5000 Jokes / Recent Jokes

A man was driving a car when a policeman stopped him and said, "You are being given a prize of Rs. 5000 for wearing a seat belt while driving. What will you do with this money?" "First, I will get my driving license made", the man replied. The woman sitting beside him said, “Please don’t listen to him. He is drunk! ” On hearing this, another man sleeping in the back seat woke up and said, "Wow! I never thought we would be able to cover this much distance in this stolen car!!" Then, a voice from the boot spoke "Psst… Have we crossed the border?"

Santa and a lawyer are seated next to each other on a flight from Patiyala to New Delhi. The lawyer asks if he would like to play a fun game. Santa, tired, just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks. The lawyer persists and explains that the game is easy and a lot of fun. He says, "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me fifty rupees, and vice versa."
Again, Santa declines and tries to get some sleep. The lawyer, now agitated, says, "Okay, if you don't know the answer, you pay me Rs. 50, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you Rs. 5000."
This catches Santa's attention and, figuring there will be no end to this torment, agrees to the game. The lawyer asks the first question: "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?"
Santa doesn't say a word, reaches into his purse, pulls out a Rs. 50 bill, and hands it to the lawyer. "Okay," says the more...

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5, 000 and watches to see what they do with the money. The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits and dresses up very nicely for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed. The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed. The third invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves more...

What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?

A good start!

Santa And A Lawyer Are Seated Next To Each Other On A Flight From Patiala To New Delhi. The Lawyer Asks If He Would Like To Play A Fun Game. Santa, Tired, Just Wants To Take A Nap, So He Politely Declines And Rolls Over To The Window To Catch A Few Winks. The Lawyer Persists And Explains That The Game Is Easy And A Lot Of Fun. He Says, "I Ask You A Question, And If You Don't Know The Answer, You Pay Me Fifty Rupees, And Vice Versa."


Again, Santa Declines And Tries To Get Some Sleep. The Lawyer, Now Agitated, Says, "Okay, If You Don't Know The Answer, You Pay Me Rs. 50, And If I Don't Know The Answer, I Will Pay You Rs. 5000."

This Catches Santa's Attention And, Figuring There Will Be No End To This Torment, Agrees To The Game. The Lawyer Asks The First Question: "What's The Distance From The Earth To The Moon?"

Santa Doesn't Say A Word, Reaches Into His Purse, Pulls Out A Rs. 50 Bill, And Hands It To The Lawyer. more...

A guy comes walking into a bar with a little turtle in his hand. The turtle's one eye is black and blue, two of his legs are bandaged, and his whole shell is taped together with duct tape.
The bartender asks the man, "What's wrong with your turtle?"
"Nothing", the man responds, "this turtle is very fast. Take your dog and let him stand at the end of the bar. Then go and stand at the other end of the room and call your dog. I'll bet you 5000 bucks that before your dog reaches you, my turtle will be there."
So the bartender, thinking it's an easy 5000, agrees. He goes to the other side of the bar, and on the count of three calls his dog. Suddenly the guy picks up his turtle and throws it across the room, narrowly missing the bartender, and smashing into the wall.
"Told you it'll be there before your dog."

Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead lawyer
in the road? A: There are skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: Do you know how to save a drowning laywer?
A1: Take your foot off his head.
A2: No? Good!
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of dung?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a busload of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What do you get when you more...