900 Jokes

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
“Oh, about $200 today, ” said the rancher. “But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I’m out. ”
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
“Here, ” he said, “is the check for $900. It’s postdated six years from now. ”

Saint Peter is doing his thing, minding the Gates of Heaven, when he notices that the Gates are getting a bit shabby and shopworn and in need of repair. He goes outside to the line of people waiting to come "in" and asks "ARE THERE ANY CONTRACTORS HERE?" Three guys step foreward......... A Black Man, an Italian, and a Jew. Peter asks the three to inspect the Gates and then give a price, with a breakdown. First, the Black guy goes over and looks at the Gates. "I think $900. 00 should do it" he says. "That would be $300. for materials, $300. for labor, and $300 for me" "Great ", says PeterNext the Italian guy inspects the Gates. He takes a long time, pouring over every bit of what he surveys, then comes back to St. Peter and tells him that "These are the most wonderful, beautiful Gates!! They were almost certainly constructed in Italy, probably Florence, in the Renaissance! Pure Works of Art!" The price...$3, 000. I'll need more...

A motorist, driving by a Texas ranch, hit and killed a calf that was crossing the road. The driver went to the owner of the calf and explained what had happened. He then asked what the animal was worth.
"Oh, about $200 today," said the rancher. "But in six years it would have been worth $900. So $900 is what I'm out."
The motorist sat down and wrote out a check and handed it to the farmer.
"Here," he said, "is the check for $900. It's postdated six years from now."

This guy is at the airport waiting for his flight which leaves at 6: 00 but he has forgotten his
watch, so he looks for someone to ask the time. He spots this guy walking past carrying 2 suitcases
and sporting this fabulous hi-tech watch, so he askes him for the time. The guy replies "Sure, which
country?" Our fella asks "How many countries have you got?" to which the reply is "All the countries
in the world!"
"Wow! That's a pretty cool watch you've got there."
"That's nothing. This watch also has a GPS facility, fax, e-mail and can even receive NTSC television
channels and display them on its miniature active color pixel LCD screen!"
"Boy, that's incredible. I wish I had a watch like that one. . . You wouldn't consider selling it by
any chance?"
"Well, actually the novelty has worn off by now, so for $900, if you want it, it's yours!"
Our watchless traveller more...

Y. O. D. A (To the Village People's "Y. M. C. A")(As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker). YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I saidYOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I saidYOUNG MAN, put your weapon away,' cause I*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I amWONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How youGROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*You must be here to see Y. O. D. AYou must be here to see Y. O. D. A. He's 900 years old! He's so strong in the Force! Do your Jedi Diploma course! You must be here to see Y. O. D. AYou must be here to see Y. O. D. ACome and get yourself clean! Come and have a good meal! Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel! YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, intoSOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and thisTIN CAN started swimming and then, he got*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He isCOMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll more...