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Why did Monica Lewinsky accept an offer to work on the White House staff?
She didn't know what "staff" they really meant.

Hello. Tech Support; may I help you? "Yes, well, I'm having trouble with WordPerfect.""What sort of trouble?" "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.""Went away?" "They disappeared.""Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?" "Nothing.""Nothing?" "It's blank; it won't accept anything when I type.""Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?" "How do I tell?"[Uh-oh. Well, let's give it a try anyway.] "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?" "What's a sea-prompt?"[Uh-huh, thought so. Let's try a different tack.] "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?" "There isn't any cursor: I told you, it won't accept anything I type."[Ah-at least s/he knows what a cursor is. Sounds like a hardware problem. I wonder if s/he's kicked out his/her monitor's power plug? ]"Does your monitor more...

Accept that some days you're the pigeon, and some days you're the statue.

Actual dialog of a former Customer Support employee:

Support: "Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you?"
Customer: "Yes, well, I`m having trouble with WordPerfect."
Support: "What sort of trouble?"
Customer: "Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away.",
Support: "Went away?"
Customer:"They disappeared."
Support: "Hmm. So what does your screen look like now?"
Customer: "Nothing."
Support: "Nothing?"
Customer: "It`s blank; it won`t accept anything when I type."
Support: "Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out?"
Customer: "How do I tell?"
Support: "Can you see the C: prompt on the screen?"
Customer: "What`s a sea-prompt?"
Support: "Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen?"
Customer: "There more...

A man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming for help. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has him put his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines the still, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that his dog, regrettable, is dead.
The man, clearly agitated and not willing to accept this, demands a second opinion. The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and puts the cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body and finally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man and says,
"I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."
The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead. The vet brings in a black labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks. The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinks your dog is dead more...

The next time you get a rejection letter from a hoped-for employer or publisher, just send them the following:
Dear [name of the person who signed the rejection letter],
Thank you for your letter of [date of the rejection letter]. After careful consideration, I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me [employment with your firm/a contract to publish my book].
This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates, it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite [name of the co or agency that sent you this letter]'s outstanding qualifications and previous experience in rejecting [applicants/manuscripts], I find that your rejection does not meet with my needs at this time.
Therefore, I will initiate [employment/publishing] with your firm immediately following [graduation/job change, etc. - get creative here]. I look forward more...

Tech: “Ridge Hall computer assistant; may I help you? ”

Customer: “Yes, well, I’m having trouble with WordPerfect. ”

Tech: “What sort of trouble? ”

Customer: “Well, I was just typing along, and all of a sudden the words went away. ”

Tech: “Went away? ”

Customer: “They disappeared. ”

Tech: “Hmm. So what does your screen look like now? ”

Customer: “Nothing. ”

Tech: “Nothing? ”

Customer: “It’s blank; it won’t accept anything when I type. ”

Tech: “Are you still in WordPerfect, or did you get out? ”

Customer: “How do I tell? ”

Tech: “Can you see the “C” prompt on the screen? ”

Customer: “What’s a sea-prompt? ”

Tech: “Never mind. Can you move the cursor around on the screen? ”

Customer: “There isn’t any cursor: I told you, it won’t accept anything I more...