Accept Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Every time they repainted the lines on the road, you'd have to buy a new car. 2. Occasionally your car would just die on the motorway for no reason, accept this, restart and drive on. 3. Occasionally, executing a maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail to restart and you'd have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you'd just accept this too. 4. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a "Car 95" or a "Car NT". But then you'd have to buy more seats. 5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was twice as reliable, five times as fast, twice as easy to drive - but it would only run on five percent of the roads. 6. The Macintosh car owners would get expensive Microsoft upgrades to their cars which would make their cars go much slower. 7. The oil, engine, gas and alternator warning lights would be replaced with a single "General Car Fault" warning light. 8. People would get excited about the more...

There once was a kind hearted barber in city in the US. He never charged anyone for his services.
One day a Florist goes to him for a haircut. After the cut, he goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies:
`I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. ’
The Florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A Cop goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and the barber replies: `I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service.` The Cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the Barber goes to open his shop, there is a Thank you Card and a dozen Donuts.
A Indian goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the Barber and barber replies: ` I am Sorry, I cannot accept money from you; I am doing a Community Service. ’ The Indian also leaves very happy. The next morning more...

A Second OpinionA man runs into the vet's office carrying his dog, screaming forhelp. The vet rushes him back to an examination room and has himput his dog down on the examination table. The vet examines thestill, limp body and after a few moments tells the man that hisdog, regrettably, is dead. The man, clearly agitated and notwilling to accept this, demands a second opinion.The vet goes into the back room and comes out with a cat and putsthe cat down next to the dog's body. The cat sniffs the body, walks from head to tail poking and sniffing the dog's body andfinally looks at the vet and meows. The vet looks at the man andsays, "I'm sorry, but the cat thinks that your dog is dead too."The man is still unwilling to accept that his dog is dead.The vet brings in a black Labrador. The lab sniffs the body, walks from head to tail, and finally looks at the vet and barks.The vet looks at the man and says, "I'm sorry, but the lab thinksyour dog is dead too."The man, more...

Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving twenty-five dollar cars that got 1000 mi/gal."General Motors addressed this comment by releasing the statement, "Yes, but would you want your car to crash twice a day?"So, here you are: a dozen reasons to be glad the automotive industry hasn't kept up with the computer industry:1. Every time you wanted to drive on a different road, you would have to buy a new car.2. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason, and you would just accept this, restart and drive on.3. Occasionally, executing a common maneuver would cause your car to stop and fail and you would have to re-install the engine. For some strange reason, you would accept this too.4. Traffic jams would be known as lag, and you'd accept them as well.5. You could only have one person in the car at a time, unless you more...

Attempt to take the order-takers order.("Hi, may I take your order?" ) before they get a chance to take yours. Order confusing items, i. e.,"Hi, I'll have a large orange Coke and asmall medium fries, please". When you arrive at the window to pick up your food, hand them several bags of garbage & ask if they'll dispose of it for you. Make sure it smells. Speak in such a garbled fashion that the order-taker will think there is a problem with the speaker and ask you to order at the window. When you arrive at the window, speak in the same garbled, incomprehensible fashion. Drive through with someone on the hood to accept the food. Bring along a Mr. Microphone. When the order-taker speaks, aim the mic at their speaker but do so while aiming the Mr. Microphone speaker at the mic to produce excruciating feedback of their own voice. Have a friend hide in the trunk. When you approach the window to pickup your order, have him start yelling and banging his fists on the trunk. more...

Hotel LettersThe following letters were taken from an actual incident between aLondon hotel and one of its guests. The hotel submitted the letters to the London SundayTimes for their humor column....Dear Maid, Please do not leave any more of those little barsof soap in my bathroom since I have brought my own bath-sized Dial. Please remove the sixunopened little bars from the shelf under the medicine chest and another three in theshower soap dish. They are in my way.Thank you,
S. BermanDear Room 635, I am not your regular maid. She will be backtomorrow, Thursday, from her day off. I took the 3 hotel soaps out of the shower soap dishas you requested. The 6 bars on your shelf I took out of your way and put on top of yourKleenex dispenser in case you should change your mind. This leaves only the 3 bars I lefttoday which my instructions from the management is to leave 3 soaps daily. I hope this issatisfactory.Kathy,
Relief MaidDear Maid, I hope you are my regular maid. more...

STANLEY HO: Mr. President, please accept this Mercedes Benz as sign of my appreciation to you. ERAP: Sorry, I don't accept bribes. STANLEY HO: I'll just sell it to you for P100. ERAP: Okay, I'll get two!