Account Jokes / Recent Jokes

A lady here died this past January, and Citibank billed her for February and March for their service charges on her credit card, and then added late fees and interest on the monthly charge. The balance had been $0.00, now is somewhere around $60.00. A family member placed a call to Citibank:

Family Member: "I am calling to tell you that she died in January."

Citibank: "The account was never closed and the late fees and charges still apply."

Family Member: "Maybe, you should turn it over to collections."

Citibank: "Since it is two months past due, it already has been."

Family Member: So, what will they do when they find out she is dead?"

Citibank: "Either report her account to the frauds division or report her to the credit bureau, maybe both!"

Family Member: "Do you think God will be mad at her?"

Citibank: "Excuse me?"

Family more...

This letter is from Banta Singh from Punjab. We have bought a computer for our home and we found problems, which I want to bring to your notice.

1. After connecting to internet we planned to open e-mail account and whenever we fill the form in Hotmail in the password column, only ****** appears, but in the rest of the fields whatever we typed appears, but we face this problem only in password field. We checked with hardware vendor Santa Singh and he said that there is no problem in keyboard. Because of this we open the e-mail account with password *****. I request you to check this as we ourselves do not know what the password is.

2. We are unable to enter anything after we click the `shut down ` button.

3. There is a button `start` but there is no "stop" button. We request you to check this.

4. We find there is `Run` in the menu. One of my friend clicked `run ` has ran up to Amritsar! So, we request you to change that to more...

This guy is waking down the street and he passes a guy going the other way who has an orange for a head, he thinks to himself that if he doesn’t ask why this guy has an orange for a head it will annoy him for ever, so he chases after this guy and says ” ’scuse me for asking, but why have you got an orange for a head? ”
“Well the gentleman replies, its a really funny story actually. One day i was walking through town minding my own business and this Genie pops up out of nowhere, and says i can have three wishes. So i thought about it for a while, and for my first wish i asked for £100 million, the genie then clicked his fingers and told me to go and check my bank account and then disappeared. So i went and checked it and low and behold there it was just over £100 million in my account, then the genie pops up again and says ’what is your 2nd wish? ’ Not being a very big hit with the ladies I decided to ask for 10 women on call at any hour of the day to fulfil his more...

A man is walking down the beach and comes across an old bottle.
He picks it up, pulls out the cork and out pops a genie.
The genie says, "Thank you for freeing me from the bottle. In return I will grant you three wishes."
The man says "Great! I always dreamed of this and I know exactly what I want.
First, I want one billion dollars in a Swiss bank account.
Poof! There is a flash of light and a piece of paper with account numbers appears in his hand.
He continues, "Next, I want a brand new red Ferrari right here."
Poof! There is a flash of light and a bright red brand-new Ferrari appears right next to him.
He continues, "Finally, I want to be irresistible to women."
Poof! There is a flash of light and he turns into a box of chocolates.

SAMPLE OF A MODERN LOVE LETTERDearest Samantha, I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in love with you since Tuesday, the 17th of August 2001.With reference to the meeting held between us on the 17th of August 2001 at 1500 hours, I would like to present myself as a prospective lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a period of no less than three months and depending on compatibility, would be made permanent. Of course, upon completion of probation, there will be continuous relationship training and relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion from lover to spouse. The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment would initially be shared equally between us. Later, based on your performance, I might take up a larger share of the expenses. However I am broad-minded enough, to be taken care of, on your expense account.I request you to kindly respond within 30 days of receiving this letter, failing which, this offer would be canceled without further notice more...

Janet's son, Trevor, lived in Georgia with his mom. Over the summer, Trevor went to California. On his way back to home, he decided to stop at an "adult video" store. The manager asked if he had an account. He admitted he didn't, and asked to start one. The manager asked for his phone number and he gave it to them. The manager then replied, "It says that the account is under the name of Janet."