Account Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man living in Newton, Massachusetts received a bill on his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0. 00. He threw it away. In April he received another and tossed that one, too. The following month the credit card company sent him a nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn’t send them $0. 00.
In retrospect, he probably should have let them do that. Instead he called the company and was informed that (are you ready for this?) the problem was the result of a computer error. They told him they’d take care of it.
The following month he reasoned that, if other charges appeared on the card, then it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. Besides, they assured him the problem would be resolved. So he presented his card for a purchase. It was declined.
Once again he called. He learned that the credit card had been cancelled for lack of payment. They apologized for (here it is again) another computer error and promised they would more...
Dear Contributor:
The "NBA Player Adoption Program" desperately needs your charitable assistance. With an NBA player's strike against the team owners, now is the time for us to show the world just how much we really care. What those men are forced to endure -- it's just not right!
Hundreds of basketball players in our very own country are living at or just below the NBA seven-figure salary poverty line. And as if that weren't bad enough, they will be deprived of pay for several weeks-possibly a whole year!
But now you can help!
For only about $2,000.00 a day -- that's less than the cost of a large screen projection TV -- you can help keep an impoverished basketball player economically viable during his time of need.
$2,000.00 a day may not seem like a lot of money to you, but to an NBA basketball player it could mean the difference between a vacation spent golfing in bug-infested Florida or a life-renewing Mediterranean cruise.
For you, more...
The teenage son was having trouble mastering the fine points of balancing his new checking account."The bank returned the check you wrote to the sporting goods store," his mother said."Oh good," he replied, "Now I can use it to buy some stereo equipment!"
Bank manager: Im sorry, sir, you cant open an account with this sort of money. Theyre wooden pieces! Lumberjack: But I only want to open a shavings account.
The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best bookon elephants. The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal Account."The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than People"The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"
In March 1992 a man living in Newton near Boston Massachusetts received a bill for his as yet unused credit card stating that he owed $0. 00. He ignored it and threw it away. In April he received another and threw that one away too.
The following month the credit card company sent him a very nasty note stating they were going to cancel his card if he didn't send them $0. 00 by return of post. He called them, talked to them, they said it was a computer error and told him they'd take care of it.
The following month he decided that it was about time that he tried out the troublesome credit card figuring that if there were purchases on his account it would put an end to his ridiculous predicament. However, in the first store that he produced his credit card in payment for his purchases he found that his card had been cancelled. He called the credit card company who apologized for the computer error once again and said that they would take care of it.
The more...
The following is an excerpt from a 1986 Saturday Night Live skit, the speaker being Steve Martin. If I could have one wish for christmas, it would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sings in unison all with smiling faces.
If I could have just two wishes for christmas, the first one would be for all the children of the world to join hands and sing while happy and smiling, the second would be for 30 million dollars to be given to me on a monthly basis, deposited in a swiss bank account.
If I could have just three wishes for christmas the first would be for all the children to hold hands and sing, the second for 30 million dollars to be deposited monthly in my bank account, and the third would be to have absolute power over all the creatures of the earth and sky and the whole universe.
If I could have four wishes for christmas, the first would definately be that children crap, the second would be the 30 million dollars, the third would be absolute power more...