Account Jokes / Recent Jokes

A miserable old man walked into the bank and yelled at the teller, "I want to open a damn checking account!" Astonished by his rudeness, the teller said, "Pardon me sir, I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"
"Listen up, dammit. I said I want to open a damn checking account immediately!" he snapped.
"I'm sorry sir, but we don't tolerate that type of language here," she said.
Upset by his behavior, the teller went to tell the manager about the situation. The manager accompanied her back to the old man and asked, "What appears to be the problem?"
"There's no fucking problem, dammit," said the man. "I just won $50 million in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account!"
"Oh, I see, sir," said the manager, with a grin, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?"

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book on elephants.
The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant - a Personal Account."
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants - the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants - they're better than People"
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best bookon elephants.The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the British Empire."The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant - a Personal Account."The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants - the Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants - they're better than People"The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of the Soviet Elephant"And submited a poem "The Joy and Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but wouldn't you want to buy a Honda instead"

A doctor and a lawyer were attending a cocktail party when the doctor was approached by a man who asked advice on how to handle his ulcer. The doctor mumbled some medical advice, then turned to the lawyer and asked, "How do you handle the situation when you are asked for advice during a social function?"

"Just send an account for such advice" replied the lawyer.

On the next morning the doctor arrived at his surgery and issued the ulcer-stricken man a $50 account. That afternoon he received a $100 account from the lawyer.

Dearest girl:
I am very happy to inform you that I have fallen in
love with you since Tuesday the 17th of August 1999
with reference to the meeting held between us on the
17th of august 1999 at 15. 00 hours.
I would like to present myself as a prospective
lover. Our love affair would be on probation for a
period of 3 months and depending on the compatibility
would be permanent. Of course upon completion of
probation, there will be continuous on the
relationship appraisal schemes leading up to promotion
from lover to spouse.
The expenses incurred for coffee and entertainment
would initially be shared equally between us. Later
based on your performance, I might take up the larger
share of the expenses. However I am broad minded
enough to be taken care of on your expenses account. I
request you to kindly respond within 30 days of
receiving the letter-failing which, this offer would
be cancelled more...

A man was walking along the beach when he saw bottle. Curious, he picked it up and was wiping the sand off it when out came a genie. "I will grant you three wishes," said the genie.
The man couldn't believe it. "First, I want ten million dollars in a Swiss bank account."
Poof! The genie handed the man a piece of paper with his account information on it.
"Next, I want to be the smartest man in the world."
Poof! The man instantly became smart.
"Now, I want to be irresistible to women."
Poof! The man was changed into a huge box of chocolates.

The UN sponsored a competition on which nation can produce the best book
on elephants.
The British submited a dry historical account "The Elephant and the
British Empire."
The French submited a text "The Sensuality of the Elephant -- a Personal
Account."
The Germans submited 47 Volumes entitled "An Elementary Introduction to the
Foundation of the Science of the Elephant's Ear."
The Americans submited an article from "Money" magazine: "Elephants -- the
Perfect Tax Shelter for the 80s"
Green-Peace submited a counter-entry "Elephants -- they're better than
People"
The Russians submited a terse manuscript titled "The superiority of
the Soviet Elephant"
And submited a poem "The Joy and
Freedom Brought forth by the Soviet Elephant."
But the Japanese won with their Promotional Flier "We have no Elephants but
wouldn't you more...