Adam Jokes / Recent Jokes
Adam and Eve said, "Lord, when we were in the garden, you walked with us every day. Now we do not see you any more. We are lonesome here, and it is difficult for us to remember how much you love us."
And God said, "No problem! I will create a companion for you that will be with you forever and who will be a reflection of my love for you, so that you will love me even when you cannot see me. Regardless of how selfish or childish or unlovable you may be, this new companion will accept you as you are and will love you as I do, in spite of yourselves."
And God created a new animal to be a companion for Adam and Eve.
And it was a good animal.
And God was pleased.
And the new animal was pleased to be with Adam and Eve and he wagged his tail.
And Adam said, "Lord, I have already named all the animals in the Kingdom and I cannot think of a name for this new animal."
And God said, "No problem. Because I have created this new animal more...
Top Ten Reasons Eve Was Created
10. God was worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions.
9. God knew that one day Adam would require someone to locate and hand him the remote.
8. God knew Adam would never go out and buy himself a new fig leaf when his wore out and would therefore need Eve to buy one for him.
7. God knew Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself.
6. God knew Adam would never remember which night to put the garbage on the curb.
5. God knew if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing.
4. As the Keeper of the Garden, Adam would never remember where he left his tools.
3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden.
2. As the Bible says, It is not good for more...
After a few days, the Lord called to Adam and said, "It is time for you and Eve to begin the process of populating the earth so I want you to kiss her."
Adam answered, "Yes Lord, but what is a kiss?" So the Lord gave a brief description to Adam who took Eve by the hand and took her to a nearby bush.
A few minutes later, Adam emerged and said, "Thank you Lord, that was enjoyable."
And the Lord replied, "Yes Adam, I thought you might enjoy that and now I`d like you to caress Eve."
And Adam said, " `What is a `caress`? So the Lord again gave Adam a brief description and Adam went behind the bush with Eve.
Quite a few minutes later, Adam returned, smiling, and said, "`Lord, that was even better than the kiss." And the Lord said, "`You`ve done well Adam. And now I want you to make love to Eve."
And Adam asked, "What is `make love` Lord?"` So the Lord again more...
Top 10 Reasons God Created Eve10. God worried that Adam would frequently become lost in the garden because he would not ask for directions. 9. God knew that Adam would one day require someone to locate and hand him the TV remote. 8. God knew that Adam would never go out and get himself a new fig leaf when his seat wore out and would, therefore, need Eve to go get one for him. 7. God knew that Adam would never be able to make a doctor's, dentist, or haircut appointment for himself. 6. God knew that Adam would never be able to remember which night to put the garbage on the curb. 5. God knew that if the world was to be populated, men would never be able to handle the pain and discomfort of childbearing. 4. As "Keeper of the Garden," Adam would never remember where he left his tools. 3. Apparently, Adam needed someone to blame his troubles on when God caught him hiding in the garden. 2. As the Bible says, "It is not good for man to be alone!"And finally, the number ONE more...
A person went to church every week, but feel asleep during the
sermon and the women said.. "next time you fall asleep I'm going
to stick this pen up your ass" and he did fall asleep, the father
Began a story and said "Does anyone know what so and so said then?"
and the women had just stuck the pen up the guys ass as he stood up
and say "Hallelujah! " and then the father said Correct my son..
the next week as the father asked another question, the guy was jabbed
with the pen and Stood up to say "AMEN!" and the father said "Right again
my son.."
the next week the father began to talk about Adam and eve, he said
what did eve say to Adam after their 10th child? and the guy
was jabbed with the pen again and he stood up to yell very loudly
"Shove that thing up my ass one more time and I'll rap it around your
face!" and the father said, no I'm sorry, anyone else?
Adam had stayed out quite late for a few nights and this caused Eve to become very upset.
"You're messing around with other women, aren't you," Eve said to him.
"Don't be foolish," Adam answered, 'you're the only woman on earth."
They argued back and forth until Adam fell asleep, only to be awoken by Eve poking him in the chest. "What are you doing?" Adam demanded.
"I'm counting your ribs," Eve replied.
God descends down into the Garden of Eden to look into Adam and Eve. He finds Adam relaxing agains a tree smoking a cigarette.
"Hello Adam," says God. "How's things?"
"We've just had sex," says Adam. "Eve has gone off to wash herself."
"Where has she gone?" asks God looking around with a sense of urgency.
"Oh Shit!" exclaims God smacking his forehead. "Now I'll never get the smell out of the fish!"