Address Jokes / Recent Jokes

Cousin Banta
Jallandhar

Dear Banta,
I'm writing this real slow cause I know you can't read very fast. We don't live where we did when you left. We read in the paper that most accidents happen within 10 miles of home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you our new address cause the last family that lived here took the house numbers with them so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place has a washing machine. The first day mama put four shirts in, pulled the chain and we have not seen them since.
Its only rained here twice this week. Three days the first time and five days the second time.
I know its cold where you are so we're sending you a coat. Ma said it would be too heavy to mail with them buttons on it, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
We got a letter from the funeral home. They said if we don't make the last payment on grandma's funeral bill, up she comes!
My sister had a baby this morning. I haven't more...

After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for
attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the
last day to drop.
Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear
you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
Smartypants?"
Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
"tsk, tsk".
Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or more...

Dear Redneck Son;
I'm writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 miles from your home, so we moved.
I won't be able to send you the address because the last Arkansas family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so that they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well though: last week I put a load in and pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send you, your Uncle Stanley said it would be to heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets.
John locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took more...

A friend of mine in Florida is getting married in June, and it seems like he's already getting a bit nervous about it.

The anxious bride-groom sent out announcements in February, carefully addressing all of the announcements by hand. Within a few days, he was surprised to see them all show up in *his* mailbox.

It seems the poor nervous guy had addressed every invitation with his own address... and put the recipient's name and address where the return address should go.

A cop pulled over two drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?"
"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?"
"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

A cop pulled up two Irish drunks, and asked to the first, "What's your name and address?" "I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turned to the second drunk, and asked the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."