Address Jokes / Recent Jokes

Pyaaaray Lal,

I am writing this letter slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your dad read in the newspaper that most accidents happen 20 miles from your home, so we moved! I won't be able to give you the address as the last person who stayed in this house took the numbers with them for their next house, so they wouldn't have to change their address.

This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works too well, last week I put in three shirts and pulled the chain and I HAVE NOT SEEN THEM SINCE.

The weather here isn't too bad. It rained only twice last week. The first time it rained for three days and the second time for four days. The coat you wanted me to send you, your aunt said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with all the buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pocket.

We got another bill from the funeral home. It said that if we don't make the more...

Dear Son,
I am writing this slow cause I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left. Your dad read in the paper that most accidents happened within 20 miles of home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address cause the last family that lived here took
the numbers with them for their next house so they won't have to change their address. Wish I had thought of that.
This place has a small washing machine. The first day I put four shirts in it, pulled the chain and haven't seen them since.
It only rained twice this week - three days the first time and four days the second.
The coat you wanted me to send you; your aunt Sue said it would be a little too heavy to send in the mail with them heavy buttons, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Don't tell anyone.
We got a bill from the funeral home, said we didn't make the last payment on Grandma's funeral bill; up she comes. Lucky we have a spare bedroom in the new place. We more...

Your stationery is more cluttered than Warren Beatty's address book. The
letterhead lists a fax number, e-mail addresses for two on-line services, and
your Internet address, which spreads across the breadth of the letterhead and
continues to the back. In essence, you have conceded that the first page of any
letter you write is letterhead.
You have never sat through an entire movie without having at least one
device on your body beep or buzz.
You need to fill out a form that must be typewritten, but you can't because
there isn't one typewriter in your house - only computers with laser printers.
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends", but you forget to send
your father a birthday card.
You disdain people who use low baud rates.
When you go into a computer store, you eavesdrop on a salesperson talking
with customers - and you butt in to correct him and spend the next twenty
minutes answering the customers' more...

Dearest Koos
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20 km of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your oom Frikkie said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in their pockets.
Pietie locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours more...

A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, "What's your
name and address?"
"I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address."
The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question.
"I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."

Scheduled to give the keynote address at an important convention, the CEO asked one of his top employees, Schwartz, to write a punchy, twenty minute speech for him.
After the big event, the CEO returned and he was furious. "What's the idea of writing an hour long speech for me?" he bellowed. "Half the audience got up and walked out before I was finished!"
Confused, Schwartz replied, "Sir, I wrote you a twenty minute speech. I also gave you the two extra copies you requested."

A cop pulls up two Irish drunks, and says to the first, "What's your name and address?" "I'm Paddy O'Day, of no fixed address." The cop turns to the second drunk, and asks the same question. "I'm Seamus O'Toole, and I live in the flat above Paddy."