Address Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Wear a hood with one eyehole. Periodically make strange gurgling noises.
2. After turning on the overhead projector, clutch your chest and scream
"MY PACEMAKER!"
3. Wear a pointed Kaiser helmet and a monocle and carry a riding crop.
4. Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student
and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
5. Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a
question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't
hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
6. If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them
your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr.
Smartypants?"
7. Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses
with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering
"tsk, tsk".
8. Ask students to call you more...

Q. What's O. J. Simpson's Internet address?
A. Slash, slash, backslash, slash, slash, escape.

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences. Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day. When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from memory. Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her e-mail, she look one look at the monitor, let out a piercing scream, and fell to the floor in a deadfaint. At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note on the screen: Dearest Wife, Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival tomorrow. PS. Sure is hot down here

OLD telephone directories make ideal personal address books. Simply crossout the names and address of people you don't know. FOOL other drivers intothinking you have an expensive car phone by holding an old TV or video remotecontrol up to your ear and occasionally swerving across the road and mountingthe curb. LOSE weight quickly by eating raw pork or rancid tuna. I foundthat the subsequent food poisoning/diarrhea enabled me to lose 12 pounds inonly 2 days. AVOID parking tickets by leaving your windshield wipers turnedto' fast wipe' whenever you leave your car parked illegally. NO TIME for abath? Wrap yourself in masking tape and remove the dirt by simply peeling itoff. SAVE ON BOOZE by drinking cold tea instead of whisky. The followingmorning you can create the effects of a hangover by drinking a thimble fullof dish washing liquid and banging your head repeatedly on the wall. RECREATEthe fun of a visit to a public swimming pool in your own home by filling thebath with cold water, more...

First, go to Wocka's Joke Home Page. There you will see the Daily Joke of the Day. In that box, (in the bottom-right corner) there are 3 links. The bottom link says "Get Daily Jokes Via E-Mail"; that is what you click.
Make sure we have your correct email address and press the button:
Newsletter
Your Email Address:
Subscribe
Unsubscribe
Do It
We hate spam just as much as you do. Your email address will never be shared or sold to anyone. Your information is kept private and is only used for sending the daily joke. You can unsubscribe at any time by following the link at the bottom of the daily email or by coming back to this page.
If you are under the age of 13, please get your parents approval before submitting your email address.
Please read our Privacy Policy for more information.

Dearest Koos
I'm writing this slow because I know you can't read fast.
We don't live where we did when you left home. Your pa read in the newspaper that almost all accidents happen within 20 km of your home, so we moved. I won't be able to send you the address because the last family that lived here took the house numbers when they moved so they wouldn't have to change their address.
This place is really nice. It even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though. Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain. We haven't seen them since.
The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days.
About that coat you wanted me to send; your oom Frikkie said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in their pockets.
Pietie locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get more...

Good Samaritan A man is having a few drinks at a bar when he looks over and notices a drunk guy passed out at a table nearby. The bartender tells him the drunk is Mr. Murphy and asks the man if he could drive Mr. Murphy home. Being a good Samaritan, the man agrees. The bartender writes down the address and gives it to him. The man walks over and tries to wake Mr. Murphy but Mr. Murphy is groggy and quite drunk. The man helps Mr. Murphy to his feet and Mr. Murphy falls to the floor in a heap. "Jeez," the man says wondering how anyone could drink so much. He takes Murphy by the arm and practically drags him out to the car. Once there he leans him against the side of his car while he looks for his keys. Mr. Murphy slides down to the ground. The man finds his keys and manages to get Murphy positioned in the car. He then drives to the address the bartender gave him. He opens the passenger door and helps Mr. Murphy out and the guy falls to the ground. Cursing softly, now, the man more...