Admit Jokes / Recent Jokes
Just celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary with not much to celebrate. When it came time to re-enact our wedding night, he locked himself in the bathroom and cried.
Day 2: Today, he says he has a big secret to tell me. He’s impotent, he says, and he wants me to be the first to know. Why doesn’t he tell me something I don’t know! I mean, he actually thinks I haven’t noticed.
Day 3: This marriage is in trouble. A woman has needs. Yesterday, I saw a picture of the Washington Monument and burst into tears.
Day 4: A miracle has happened! There’s a new drug on the market that will fix his ‘problem. ’ It’s called Viagra I told him that if he takes Viagra, things will be just like they were on our wedding night. I think this will work. I replaced his Prozac with the Viagra, hoping to lift something other than his mood.
Day 5: What absolute bliss!!.
Day 6: Isn’t life wonderful but it’s difficult to write while he’s more...
LOS ANGELES, CA (DPI) - After El Nino brought only moderate rain to the West Coast, the National Weather Service was forced to admit that the much-hyped El Nino was indeed a hoax.
The infamous "radar" depictions of the swirling weather system were no more than infra-red photographs of a flushing toilet uploaded onto satellites by a couple of teenage pranksters.
In the interest of good taste, the NWS would not describe how the teenagers simulated the Boktu Islands being spun around and swallowed up by the ocean, but admit that "maybe someone should have called Boktu before giving the islands Atlantis status."
The NWS confessed that they were surprised people actually listened to their local weather person in the first place, saying, "I mean, look at them for goodness's sake, they're rodeo clowns in suits."
Reported by Dave James
The Daily Probe, December 22, 1997 [email protected]
I've always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love.After having met you, I've changed my mind.
If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your Sister.
Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go, though, would you like to take this knife out of my back? You'll probably need it again.
When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broken up, I think it's time you kept your promise.
Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder-what the f#$k was I thinking?
As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me.
I always wanted to be rich, powerful and well respected. And while I'm dreaming, I wish you weren't so damn ugly.
Sex with you is like using drugs-lots of people do it, but nobody' stupid enough to admit it.
The holidays are a great time to be with family. Of course, your family won't more...
Why Girls Rule!
Everyday I give thanks to the Goddess
I have two mounds upon my bodice
I shave my legs, I sit down to pee
I can justify any shopping spree
Not to a barber, but a beauty salon
Can get a massage without a hard on
Can balance the checkbook, pump my own gas
Can talk to my friends about the size of my ass
I always save money by using coupons
Can admit to others when I am wrong
Don't drive in circles at any cost
So I don't have to admit when I am lost
Don't act like I'm in a timed marathon
Every time I go to the john
Let me tell you men
Listen up boys
Those things in your pants
That you treat as toys
You love them more than we ever will
We would rather suck on a cold pickled dill
I spend two hours preparing for a date
Only to find you're two hours late
I don't watch movies with lots of gore
Don't need instant replay to remember the score
I won't loose my hair
I don't get more...
Dear Bill: As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial. Jimmy Carter
Dear Bill: OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe! Gary Hart
My Dear Chap: This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven. Hugh Grant
Bill: They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up! Mayor Marion Berry
Dear Bill: Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for the fall. Marv Albert
Dear Mr. President: more...
Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament.
Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to
admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.
Jimmy Carter
Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe!
Gary Hart
My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that
charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit
that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
Hugh Grant
Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up!
Mayor Marion Berry
Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's
thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back more...
Dear Bill:
As a fellow Southern Baptist, I can sympathize with your predicament. Although when I was president I merely lusted in my heart, I have to admit that had I served another term, my lust might have broken free and moved down my body. God bless you in this time of trial.
- Jimmy Carter
Dear Bill:
OK, so I'll never be president, but at least Donna Rice was a babe!
- Gary Hart
My Dear Chap:
This is a bit of a sticky wicket, but if I were you, I should ask that charming Jay Leno fellow to see you through. Pop onto his show, admit that you made an ass of yourself and all will be forgiven.
- Hugh Grant
Bill:
They entrapped me, they framed me, they caught me in a motel with drugs and a prostitute, but I bounced back and so can you! Bitch done set us up!
- Mayor Marion Berry
Dear Bill:
Look at the bright side. At least you weren't caught wearing Monica's thong underwear. By the way, did you catch my sports show? I'm back on TV for more...