Advances Jokes

Janet Reno and Hilary Clinton were engaging in typical girl talk. Hilary told Janet how lucky she was not having men make unwanted advances towards her, and that she never knew where Bill's pecker was the night before. Janet Reno remarked that just because she wasn't beautiful didn't mean that men didn't make passes at her.
So Hillary asked Janet how she warded off these unwanted sexual advances and Janet told her that whenever a man made an unwanted pass at her, she mustered up the loudest, stinkiest fart she could, and that it worked every time.
Hilary thought this was a great idea and decided to use it the next time Bill got frisky.
That night, Bill was in bed before Hilary. As soon as she slipped between the covers, Bill rolled over and Hilary knew he wanted some action. She had been saving her farts all day and let out the loudest, crudest fart she could.
Bill got up on one elbow and said, "Janet, that you?"

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.

Maybe I can`t make you do it but I sure can make you sorry you didn`t!

Maybe you can`t buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.

Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.

Men can live without air for a few minutes, without water for a few days, without food for about two months, and without new thoughts for years on end.

Mere unassisted merit advances slowly, if it advances at all.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Most projects require three hands.

Most well-trodden paths lead nowhere.

Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once

Janet Reno and Hilary Clinton were engaging in typical girl talk. Hilary told Janet how lucky she was not having men make unwanted advances towards her, and that she never knew where Bill's pecker was the night before. Janet Reno remarked that just because she wasn't beautiful didn't mean that men didn't make passes at her.

So Hillary asked Janet how she warded off these unwanted sexual advances and Janet told her that whenever a man made an unwanted pass at her, she mustered up the loudest, stinkiest fart she could, and that it worked every time.

Hilary thought this was a great idea and decided to use it the next time Bill got frisky.

That night, Bill was in bed before Hilary. As soon as she slipped between the covers, Bill rolled over and Hilary knew he wanted some action. She had been saving her farts all day and let out the loudest, crudest fart she could.

Bill got up on one elbow and said, "Janet, that you?"

Mere unassisted merit advances slowly, if it advances at all.

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value.
Maybe I can't make you do it but I sure can make you sorry you didn't!
Maybe you can't buy happiness, but these days you can certainly charge it.
Measure with a micrometer. Mark with chalk. Cut with an axe.
Men can live without air for a few minutes, without water for a few days, without food for about two months, and without new thoughts for years on end.
Mere unassisted merit advances slowly, if it advances at all.
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Most projects require three hands.
Most well-trodden paths lead nowhere.
Multitasking allows screwing up several things at once.