Mere Jokes

Phone Ki Ganti Baji.
Santa: Phone Mere Liye Ho To Kehna Mein Ghar Pe Nahin Hoon.
Jasmeet: Wo Ghar Pe Hain.
Santa: Maine Mana Kiya Tha Ke...
Jasmeet: Phone Mere Liye Tha!

Ever wondered what heaven looks like?
Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks, while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd. Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens, face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the voice of any clerk in any overgrown bureaucracy. "My name is Gabriel and I'll be your induction coordinator." Bill started to ask a question, but Gabriel interrupted him. "No, more...

ek din husband ne apne wife ko uske birthday pe pressure cooker gift kiya...... aur bola........ darling, sham ko mere dsto ke liye gajar ka halwa banana...... sham ko jab husband apne dosto ke saath aya to pressure cooker bahar garbage box me tha....... husband ne pucha.. tumne cooker garbage box me kyon dal di..... to wife boli.... ji wo na mere ko baar baar siti maar raha tha........

Bill Gates died and, much to everyone's surprise, went to Heaven. When
he got there, he had to wait in the reception area.
Heaven's reception area was the size of Massachusetts. There were
literally millions of people milling about, living in tents with nothing to
do all day. Food and water were being distributed from the backs of trucks,
while staffers with clipboards slowly worked their way through the crowd.
Booze and drugs were being passed around. Fights were commonplace.
Sanitation conditions were appalling. All in all, the scene looked like
Woodstock gone metastatic.
Bill lived in a tent for three weeks until, finally, one of the
staffers approached him. The staffer was a young man in his late teens,
face scarred with acne. He was wearing a blue T-shirt with the words TEAM
PETER emblazoned on it in large yellow lettering.
"Hello," said the staffer in a bored voice that could have been the
voice of more...

Sardar: (biwi se) koi aisi baat kaho mujhse ke mere pair zameen par na rahe.
Biwi: tujhe phansi kyu nahi laga lende.