Affection Jokes / Recent Jokes

Your cat waits and meows at the front door when you arrive. Is it saying?
a. Welcome home, I missed you.
b. The phone rang twice while you were out.
c. Feed me, *NOW*.
d. So, I see you didn't bring me the mate I asked for. Your pillow is history.
Your cat meows at the door when you go out. Is it saying?
a. Please don't leave me here all alone.
b. Have a nice day.
c. But what if I get hungry while you out?
d. Kiss that new vase goodbye.
Your cat digs its claws in your leg. This is?
a. A sign of affection.
b. A demand to be fed now.
c. Have YOU had YOUR shots?
d. An attempt to 'fix' you like you 'fixed' him.
Your cat scratches at the door after being fed. Is it saying?
a. Lemme out - I need to fertilize the garden.
b. Wanna go out and play?
c. Wonder what they've got to eat next door?
d. Do I mark my territory outside, or inside?
When your cat stares at you, it means:
a. It is bored silly.
b. It's more...

Women believe if a pet cat strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a pet dog strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a woman strays, it's because of a lack of affection at home.

Women believe if a man strays, it's because men are scum!

A collegian was deeply in love with a pretty girl, But he did not have the
courage to talk to her in person. So he decided to go alone and with the help of
a dictionary, he wrote a letter of proposal to her.
HE WROTE:
Most worthy of your estimation after a long consideration and much mediation. I
have a strong indication to become your relation. As to my educational
qualification, it is no exaggeration or fabrication that I have passed my
matriculation examination; no doubt without any hesitation and very little
preparation. What do you say to the solemnisation of your marriage celebration
according to the glorification of modern civilisation and with a view to the
expansion of the population of present generation.
On your approbation of the application, I shall make preparation to improve my
situation, and if such obligation is worthy of consideration it will be our
argumentation of the joy and exaltation of our joint more...

The Immense Consequences
The death under any circumstances of a member of the Royal Family would be
a cause for sadness. Had anyone made a list of those whose death might
have been anticipated, Princess Diana's name would have been last on it,
hence the worldwide shock and outpouring of grief: disbelief, anger,
analysis, sadness and perhaps the reluctant beginnings of acceptance.
Strong emotions would have been triggered had any Royal been even slightly
injured in an accident. The sudden, total loss of Diana, Princess of
Wales in a violent car crash is one of the greatest national tragedies to
befall Britain since the Second World War.
The memory of August 31, 1997 will long remain in people's minds: first
we saw the gruesome wreckage of the Mercedes after hitting an underpass
wall at high speed following a reckless chase through Paris from the Place
Vendome to the Pont De L'Alma. By strange twists of fate, the more...