African Jokes / Recent Jokes

This one was told to me by a rather strange acquaintance the other night.
Have you heard about South African chess? It's a variation on standard chess.
The object is to capture the black bishop. Of course, that's not very
difficult, as only the white pieces are allowed to move.

Once upon a time, long, long ago there were two unique lions in the jungles of Africa. Both, it seems, had human-like qualities that made them claim territory, daring the other to cross over the line. Strange as it seems, the boundary between their turf was a well traveled trail through the jungle.
All day every day, both lions lay in the brush staring across the trail at their compatriot, daring him to cross into their territory.
The local natives knew of this animal feud, but all this was unbeknown to African Jack, a well-known and must publicized guide who did not speak Lionese and was unfamiliar with the territory.
While he was leading a safari through the jungle, walking all day and cutting vines with their machetes, all this constant hacking brush had them worn to a frazzle. After seeing two or three of his safari drop from exhaustion, African Jack decided to stop on the trail between these two lions and camp for the night.
After sitting up camp, eating, and more...

An American man, a Russian man, and an African man were all up in a hot-air balloon together. After a few minutes, the Russian man put his hand down through the clouds. "Aaah!" he said. "Were right over my homeland.""How can you tell?" asked the American."I can feel the cold air." he replied. A few hours later the African man put his hand through the clouds. "Aah were right over my homeland." he said."How do you know that?" asked the Russian. "I can feel the heat of the desert."Several more hours later the American put his hand through the clouds. "Aah, were right over New York."The Russian and the African were amazed. "How do you know all of that?" they exclaimed. The American pulled his hand up. "My watch is missing."

Did you hear about the African missionary that gave some cannibals their first taste of religion?

Q: What's the difference between Simba and O. J.?
A: One's an African lion the other a lion African!

A jeweller called the police station to report a robbery."You`ll never believe what happened, Sergeant. A truck backed up to my store, the doors opened and an elephant came out. He broke my plate glass window, stuck his trunk in, sucked up all the jewelry and climbed back into the truck. The doors closed and the truck pulled away."The desk sergeant said, "Could you tell me, for identification purposes, whether it was an Indian elephant or an African elephant?""What`s the difference?" asked the jeweller."Well," said the sergeant, an African elephant has great big ears and an Indian elephant has little ears.""Come to think of it, I couldn`t see his ears," said the jeweller. "He had a stocking over his head."

At an international meeting, two surgeons were having an argument. The Indian surgeon was saying, "No no no, I am telling you it is Woomba"The African surgeon is saying, "No Man, it is Whoooooommmmmm"They go on like this for about 10 minutes. Up comes the English surgeon, and interrupts them. "Excuse me chaps, but I do believe that the word you are trying to say is "Womb." After he has gone away, the African turns to the Indian and says, "I bet you he has never even seen a hippopotamus, never mind heard one fart under water!