Afterlife Jokes

Frank and Ed were lifetime friends and the one thing they shared in their lives was baseball. They played on the same Little League team, the same Jr. High team, the same High School team. They both were even drafted by the same minor league team. After retiring from the game, the two friends bought season tickets for adjoining seats. Frank became ill and was on his death bed. Ed came to visit him and made Frank promise him to come back and tell him if there's baseball in the afterlife.Frank passes away that night. A day later, he visits Ed. Ed asks that burning question, "is there baseball in the afterlife?" Frank replies, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that there IS baseball in the afterlife." Upon hearing this, Ed is ecstatic! He says, "what could be bad after that?" Frank replies, "You're pitching on Saturday."

A couple's biggest fear was that there was no heaven, so they made a deal that whoever died first would come back and tell the other about the afterlife.
After living a long life, the husband passed away and, being a man who was true to his word, he made contact with his wife.
"Sally... Sally... "
"George, is that you?" asked the wife.
"Yes dear, I've come back just like we agreed," he replied.
"Tell me, George, what is it like?" she asked.
"It's wonderful, Sally. I get up in the morning and have sex. I have breakfast and have sex. I bathe in the sun and have sex a couple more times. Then I have lunch and have sex for most of the afternoon. After dinner, I have sex until late into the night. The next day, it starts all over again," George said.
"Oh, George, you surely must be in heaven," his wife exclaimed.
"Not exactly, dear. I'm a rabbit in Kansas!" George said.

Q: What is a mathematician's pick when faced with the choice between poutine and eternal bliss in the afterlife?
A: Poutine! Because nothing is better than eternal bliss in the afterlife, and poutine is better than nothing.

Welcome to the Afterlife Voice Mail System. If you are trying to reach Heaven, please press 1. For Valhalla, press 2. For Hades, press 3. If you are trying to reach Nirvana, you're going about it all wrong, so we certainly can't help you. If you'd just like to leave a message for Sean, wait for the beep.