Afternoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

Diary of a New Snow ShovelerDecenber 8th 6:00 PM It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow! December 9th We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shovelled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.December 12th The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll more...

Its friday afternoon and a class of grade twos are waiting to go home, the teacher stands up and "says" anyone who can answer this question can take monday off, she asks how many buckets of sand in the Arizona desert. The kids are stuned, the teacher says alright, no one can answer the question, no one can have a long weekend. The following friday the teacher asks how many buckets of water in the Atlantic Ocean, and once again no could answer it. The next thursday after school one of the students from that class went home and grabed two golf balls from his garage, painted them black let them dry and took them to school the next day. Its five minutes to three and this kid knows that the teacher is going to ask a dumb question so he stands up and throws the golf balls at the black board and sits down really fast, The teacher stands up and says, whos the comedian with the two black balls, the kid stand up and says "Bill Cosby" see you all on Tuesday.

A youngster devoted an entire rainy indoors afternoon to adrawing he was doing with varicolored crayons. His motherfinally looked over his shoulder, and, puzzled, asked "Who'sthat you're drawing, son?"The son answered, "God.""Don't be silly," reproved the mother. "Nobody knows what Godlooks like."Not even pausing in his task, the son announced calmly,"They will when I'm finished!"

A drunk lay slumped outside a bar, in serious need of a drink.
A passing priest and bishop started to lecture him on the evils of alcohol.
"You should be more like God, like me," said one.
The other argued, "No, my son, more like me. I am more like God."
The two holy men then argued over which was more like God.
Finally, the drunk interrupted. "I'm more like God than either of you arguing hypocrites, and if you give me ten bucks, I'll prove it!"
They accepted his challenge and each handed him five dollars. As the drunk stood, he said, "You two go sit in the bar and when I enter you'll have your proof." The bishop entered first and the barkeep said, "Good afternoon, Bishop, what'll you have?" Then the priest entered and the barkeep said, "Good afternoon, Father, what'll you have?"
Finally, the drunk came in waving his ten dollars.
The bartender shrugged, "Oh, God, not you again!"

Computer Stories from a Field Service Engineer
When I worked for a company that had a contract with 3M, 3M had asked me
to write them a memo describing why we were having problems with diskette
failures. I said in the memo that the disks were failing due to head
crashes. "If the customers would just clean their heads periodically, we
wouldn't have these problems," I said in the memo. One customer responded
with "What kind of shampoo do you recommend?"
An end-user hotline received a call about a bad software disk. They asked
the customer to make a copy of the disk and mail it in to the hotline.
A few days later, they received a letter with a mimeographed copy of
the disk. Since it was a double-sided disk, both sides of the disk
had been xeroxed.
A Computer Operator says as she is lifting an RP06 disk pack from the drive:
"Gee, how much does one of these weigh?"
Me: "It depends on how much data is more...

Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the voice of a man crying out, "Help, Help."
Quickly, they respond to the call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the cries, they eventually come upon George Dubya, drowning in the White House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool, then give him CPR, clearly saving his life.
After a few minutes, Dubya says to them, "Well, boys, today you saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you desire, as long as it is within my power as President!"
The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, "I've always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an appointment?"
"You bet!" said the President, "I'll sign the papers this afternoon!"
Then the second fellow said, "I've always wanted to go to Annapolis. Can you get me more...

It was a boring Sunday afternoon in the jungle so the Elephants decided to challenge the Ants to a game of soccer. The game was going well with the Elephants beating the Ants ten goals to nil, when the Ants gained possession. The Ants' star player was dribbling the ball towards the Elephants' goal when the Elephants' left back came lumbering towards him.
The elephant trod on the little ant, killing him instantly. The referee stopped the game. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Do you call that sportsmanship, killing another player?" The elephant replied, "Well, I didn't mean to kill him -- I was just trying to trip him up."