Afternoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work to appear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard.
When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day.
"What for?!?!?" he snapped at the judge.
His honor, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"
Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented: "That's all right. You don't have to pay now."
The young man replied, "I know. But I'm just seeing if I have enough for two more words."

NOT PLUGGED IN! !

A businessman decided to take the afternoon off and got home about 3 o'clock in the afternoon. The house was quiet, and he went> upstairs and opened the bedroom door.
His wife was in bed, and there was a strange man lying on top of her with his head between her breasts.
' What the hell are you doing?' he shouted.
The man looked up and said,' I'm listening to the music.'' What Music?' said the husband, and
he leaned over and put his ear to his wife's chest.' I can't hear any music,' he said suspiciously.'Of course you can't,' said the stranger.

' You're not plugged in.'

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school.
He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment.
Then a new school year began.
The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trashcan they encountered.
The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street.
Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that.
In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age.
Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing."
The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans.
After a few days, the more...

Three young college students are on vacation in Washington, DC. One
day they are walking together past the White House when they hear the
voice of a man crying out, "Help, Help." Quickly, they respond to the
call by leaping over the White House fence, and by following the
cries, they eventually come upon Bill Clinton, drowning in the White
House swimming pool. In an heroic rush, they pull him from the pool,
then give him artificial respiration, clearly saving his life.
After a few minutes, Clinton says to them, "Well, boys, today you
saved my life! And I am willing to give each of you any wish you
desire, as long as it is within my power as President!"

The first fellow thinks for a few seconds then says, "I have
always wanted to go to West Point. Can you get me an
appointment?"

"You bet!" said the President, "I'll sign the papers more...

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.
The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trashcans. After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, more...

A wise old gentleman retired and purchased a modest home near a junior high school. He spent the first few weeks of his retirement in peace and contentment. Then a new school year began. The very next afternoon three young boys, full of youthful, after-school enthusiasm, came down his street, beating merrily on every trash can they encountered. The crashing percussion continued day after day, until finally the wise old man decided it was time to take some action.The next afternoon, he walked out to meet the young percussionists as they banged their way down the street. Stopping them, he said, "You kids are a lot of fun. I like to see you express your exuberance like that. In fact, I used to do the same thing when I was your age. Will you do me a favor? I'll give you each a dollar if you'll promise to come around every day and do your thing." The kids were elated and continued to do a bang-up job on the trash cans.After a few days, the old-timer greeted the kids again, but more...

A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightning and torrential rain. You cant go home in this, said one of his friends, youd better stay the night. Thats very kind of you, said the boy. Ill just run home and get my pyjamas.