Afternoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

One Saturday afternoon, a man was sitting in his lawn chair drinking beer and watching his wife mow the lawn. A neighbor lady was so outraged at this, she came over and shouted at the man, "You should be hung!" To which he calmly replied, "I am. That's why she cuts the grass!"

One afternoon a cute brunette knocked on the door of her blonde neighbor, to chit chat the afternoon away. The blonde answered the door, and said to her brunette friend, "Well, you certainly look upset. What happened?"
The brunette answered, "You bet I'm upset! Look what my husband sent me... six dozen roses. You know what that means? I'm going to have to spend this whole weekend on my back with my legs spread."
Her blonde friend replied, "Now that's really silly. Why don't you just use a vase instead?"

I went into this department store and was greeted by a female salesgirl who said, "Good afternoon sir, and what is it you desire?"
I replied, "What I desire is to whisk ya outta here, take you to my secret hide-away, mix up a big pitcher of drinks, put on some soft music, and then make mad passionate love to ya all afternoon. However, what I need is some underwear and socks."

So we were lying on our backs on the grass in the park next to our hamburger wrappers, my 14-year-old son and I, watching the clouds loiter overhead, when he asked me, "Dad, why are we here?"
And this is what I said.
"I've thought a lot about it, son, and I don't think it's all that complicated. I think maybe we're here just to teach a kid how to bunt, turn two and eat sunflower seeds without using his hands.
We're here to pound the steering wheel and scream as we listen to the game on the radio, 20 minutes after we pulled into the garage. We're here to look all over, give up and then find the ball in the hole.
We're here to watch, at least once, as the pocket collapses around John Elway, and it's fourth-and-never. Or as the count goes to 3 and 1 on Mark McGwire with bases loaded, and the pitcher begins wishing he'd gone on to med school. Or as a little hole you couldn't get a skateboard through suddenly opens in front of Jeff Gordon with a lap to more...

A groom and his bride are standing at the alter when the woman looks at her prospective husband
and sees he has a set of golf clubs.
"What on earth are you doing with those golf clubs in church?" she whispers.
"Well," he replies, "this won't take all afternoon, will it?"

One afternoon, a little girl returned home from school and announced
that a friend had told her where babies come from.
Amused, her mother replied, "Why don't you tell me all about it?"
The little girl explained, "Well, mummy and daddy take off all of
their clothes, and then daddy's thingy stands up, and then the
mummy puts it in her mouth, and then it sort of explodes, and
that's how you get babies."
Her mother shook her head, leaned over to meet her eye-to-eye,
and said "Oh honey, that's sweet but that's not how you get babies.
That's how you get jewellery.

Afternoon: that part of the day we spend worrying about how we wasted the morning.