Afternoon Jokes / Recent Jokes

A silly boy spent the afternoon with some friends, but when the time came for him to leave, a terrific storm started with thunder, lightning and torrential rain.' You can't go home in this,' said one of his friends,' you'd better stay the night.'' That's very kind of you,' said the boy.' I'll just run home and get my pyjamas.'

One afternoon, a woman was in her back yard hanging laundry when a tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. The woman could tell from the dog's collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when she walked into the house, the dog followed her, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and the woman let him out.
The next day the dog was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour. This continued for several weeks. Curious, the woman finally pinned a note to his collar, it read: 'Every afternoon, your dog comes to my house for a nap.'
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "We have six children. He's trying to catch up on his sleep."

Two blokes were out walking home from work one afternoon." Shit," said the first bloke, "as soon as I get home, I'm gonna rip thewife's knickers off!""What's the rush?" his mate asked." The bloody elastic in the legs is killing me," the bloke replied.

Little Johnny had become a real nuisance while his father tried to concentrate on his Saturday afternoon poker game with friends and relatives. The father tried every way possible to get Johnny to occupy himself... television, ice cream, homework, video games...but the youngster insisted on running back and forth behind the players and calling out the cards they held.

The other players became so annoyed that they threatened to quit the game and all go home. At this point, the boy's uncle stood up, took Johnny by the hand, and led him out of the room. The uncle soon returned back to the poker table without Johnny and without comment, the game resumed.

For the rest of the afternoon, little Johnny was nowhere to be seen and the cardplayers continued without any further interruptions. After the poker game ended, the father asked Johnny's uncle, "What in the world did you do to Johnny? I haven't heard a peep from him all day!" "Not much," the boy's more...

The sweet young thing was telling her mother about the great time she had at the mountain resort: "I met a man in the recreation hall and we played Ping-Pong all afternoon. What fun, Mother!"
"Why, dear," remarked the mother, "I never knew you enjoyed Ping-Pong."
"I do now," the daughter said. "I'd hit the ball the wrong way and we'd both go after it under the table. Then he'd hit the ball the wrong way and we'd both go after it under the table. We played all afternoon. It was wonderful."
"But I don't understand," said the mother. "Where does the fun come in?"
"Under the table, silly."

A New Yorker was forced to take a day off from work toappear for a minor traffic summons. He grew increasingly restless as he waited hour after endless hour for his case to be heard. When his name was called late in the afternoon, he stood before the judge, only to hear that court would be adjourned for the rest of the afternoon and he would have to return the next day." WHAT FOR?!?!?" he snapped at the judge. The Judge, equally irked by a tedious day and sharp query, roared out loud: "Twenty dollars contempt of court! That's why!"Then, noticing the man checking his wallet, the judge relented:"That's all right. You don't have to pay now." The guy replied..."I know - I'm just seeing if I have enough for 2 more words!"

In the pre-Thanksgiving rush, we have received an early weather report from our in-house weather reporters. This is one, you should be sure to email your Mom. Turkeys will thaw in the morning, then warm in the oven to an afternoon high near 190F. The kitchen will turn hot and humid, and if you bother the cook, be ready for a severe
squall or cold shoulder. During the late afternoon and evening, the cold front of a knife will slice through the turkey, causing an accumulation of one to two inches on plates. Mashed potatoes will drift across one side while cranberry sauce creates slippery spots on the other. Please pass the gravy. A weight watch and indigestion warning have been issued for the entire area, with increased stuffiness around the beltway. During the evening, the turkey will diminish and taper off to leftovers, dropping to a low of 34F in the refrigerator. Looking ahead to Friday and Saturday, high pressure to eat sandwiches will be established. Flurries of leftovers can more...