Ahead Jokes / Recent Jokes
This is a question that has gone unanswered for centuries..But, now we know. If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race... you're a male chauvinist. If you stay home and do the housework... you're a pansy. If you work too hard... there's never any time for her. If you don't work enough... you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay... this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay... you should get off your lazy behind and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her... that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you... it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks... it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet... it's male indifference. If you cry... you're a wimp. If you don't... you're insensitive. If you make a decision without consulting her... you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you... she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do more...
A tourist driving down a deserted road came face to face with a sign that said: ROAD CLOSED. DO NOT ENTER. As the road ahead looked pretty good, he ignored the sign and drove on.
A few miles later he came to a bridge that was down. He promptly turned around and retraced his route. As he reached the point where the warning sign stood, he read the words on the other side: WELCOME BACK, STUPID!
A truck driver was driving along on the freeway. A sign comes up that reads "low bridge ahead." Before he knows it the bridge is right ahead of him and he gets stuck under the bridge. Cars are backed up for miles. Finally, a police car comes up. The cop gets out of his car and walks around to the truck driver, puts his hands on his hips and says, "Got stuck, huh?" The truck driver says, "No, I was delivering this bridge and ran out of gas."
A glad went to a barber saloon to have a hair cut and quarried how many are there ahead of me. The reply was three. "Yes I am busy today, anyway I come tommorrow and went away.
The other day at the same time he visited the barber saloon and questioned how many were there ahead of him. The reply was five. again he went away saying "Good I will come tommorrow.
On the third day too he visited the barber saloon and qurried how many were there ahead of him. The answer was four. "Very good! I will come tommorrow" and went away.
The barber asked one of his employees why this glad every day coming to our barber saloon and going without taking hair cut, but merely question about the number of person ahead of him. Go behind him and watch what he is and where he goes.
After an hour later the employee returned and said the glad is going to your house.
Three ministers were playing golf. A Baptist, a Methodist and a Jewish Rabbi. There was a group ahead of them who were very slow players. All three ministers were really griping about this. The caretaker heard the ministers belly aching and told them the players ahead were blind. The Baptist preacher said he was repentant and would confess his sins. The Methodist minister said the same thing. The Rabbi spoke up boldly and said,
" Looks to me like they would make them play at night."
Several men are in the locker room of a private club after exercising. Suddenly a cell phone on one of the benches rings. A man picks it up and the following conversation ensues: "Hello?" "Honey, It's me." "Sugar!" "Are you at the club?" "Yes." "Great! I'm at the mall 2 blocks from where you are. I saw a beautiful mink coat. It is absolutely gorgeous! Can I buy it?" "What's the price?" "Only $1, 500." "Well, okay, go ahead and get it, if you like it that much." "Ahhh, and I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the 2002 models. I saw one I really liked. I spoke with the salesman and he gave me a really good price. .. and since we need to exchange the BMW that we bought last year..." "What price did he quote you?" "Only $60, 000!" "Okay, but for that price I want it with all the options." "Great! Before we hang up, something else..." more...
Alp: One of a number of ski mountains in Europe. Also a shouted request for assistance made by a European skier on a U.S. mountain. An appropriate reply: "What Zermatter?" Avalanche: One of the few actual perils skiers face that needlessly frighten timid individuals away from the sport. See also: Blizzard, Fracture, Frostbite, Hypothermia, Lift Collapse. Bindings: Automatic mechanisms that protect skiers from potentially serious injury during a fall by releasing skis from boots, sending the skis skittering across the slope where they trip two other skiers, and so on and on, eventually causing the entire slope to be protected from serious injury. Bones: There are 206 in the human body. No need for dismay, however: TWO bones of the middle ear have never been broken in a skiing accident. Cross-Country Skiing: Traditional Scandinavian all-terrain snow-travelling technique. It's good exercise. It doesn't require the purchase of costly lift tickets. It has no crowds or lines. It more...