Ahmed Jokes / Recent Jokes

Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ahmed!
Ahmed who?
Ahmed a big mistake coming here! Knock Knock
Who's there?
Ahmed!
Ahmed who?
Ahmedeus Motzart!

One evening recently, a mother entered her daughter's bedroom to discover it empty. As she looked around, she spied a letter over the bed. With trembling hands and a terrible sense of premonition, she read....


Dear Mom;

Please don't be mad, but I eloped with my new boyfriend. I finally found real love and he is so nice Mom, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big Harley. Not only that, I'm pregnant and Ahmed says we're going to be really happy in his trailer in the woods.

He wants to have lots more children with me and you know that's one of my dreams too. Also, he taught me that marijuana doesn't hurt anyone and we're going to grow it for us and his friends, who will pay us by giving us all the cocaine and ecstasy we'll ever need and we'll pray every day for scientists to find the cure for AIDS so that Ahmed can get better. He deserves it.

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day more...

Young Ahmed Ben Bella loved all kinds of beans, and this understandably gave him embarrassing problems with flatulence. Out in the desert this did not matter - except to his camel, who sometimes dragged his nose in the sand after one of Ahmed Ben Bella's more worthy efforts. But, in his village Ahmed Ben Bella often brought shame upon himself and his family when he could not control himself.
One day Ahmed Ben Bella felt a mighty fart coming on. He was in the middle of the marketplace and made every effort to get through the great throng so as to not disgrace himself. But, as fate would have it, Ahmed Ben Bella's efforts were for naught. And, it was a mighty fart indeed: it blew over several of the shopkeepers stalls and dropped no fewer than three donkeys to their knees.
There was nothing to do but leave his home village in disgrace, and for fifty years Ahmed Ben Bella roamed the earth, hoping that the shame he had brought down upon himself would be forgotten. Finally, as an more...

KABUL (Voice of Sharia) -- Citing worldwide reaction to last week`s terrorist attacks, multi-national terror network Al Qaeda announced Thursday that it would lay off 5, 000 or more holy warriors. The "holy war" concern said the move was necessary because of an expected 20 percent fatwah reduction and cost and complexity of thwarting new airport and immigration security procedures, according to a statement broadcast on Afghanistan`s Voice of Sharia radio.
"This is, without a doubt, the most difficult thing I have had to do in my over two decades as a mujahad," said Al Qaeda mastermind and chief operations officer Osama bin Laden in a letter to employees. He added, "Some of these people are my friends, who have been fighting the infidel by my side since we were living in caves in Afghanistan during the Soviet occupation. We are still living in caves in Afghanistan, but I believe the bottom is forming and we will see a turnaround soon, provided we can meet more...

Ahmed was showing a foreign vistor around his country and bemoaning the lack of gratitude his countrymen showed him for his considerable achievements.
"Look here" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at this vast and modern ship building yard", and the yards were indeed vast and modern.
"I built this myself. I own it. But do they call me 'Ahmed the ship builder'? No! They don't!"
"And look here" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at the modern and efficient road system we travelled on today", and the road system was indeed modern and efficient.
"I own the company that built these roads. But do they call me 'Ahmed the road builder'? No! They don't!"
"And look over there" says Ahmed to the foreigner "at that towering city on the horizon", and the city was indeed towering.
"I own two thirds of those buildings. I built that city. But do they call me 'Ahmed the city builder'? No! They don't call more...