Air Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little guy gets on a plane and sits next to the window. A few minutes later, a big, heavy, strong, mean-looking, hulking guy plops down in the seat next to him. The huge man glares threateningly at his neighbor, crowds the little guy so much that he's flattened against the window, and immediately falls asleep.
After the plane takes off, the little guy starts to feel a little air sick, but he's afraid to wake the big guy up to ask if he can go to the bathroom. After a few attempts, he realizes that he can't climb over him, and so the little guy is sitting there, looking at the big guy, trying to decide what to do.
Suddenly, the plane hits an air pocket and an uncontrollable wave of nausea passes over the little fellow. He just can't hold it in any longer and finally pukes all over the big guy's chest.
About five minutes later the big guy wakes up, looks down, and sees the vomit all over him.
"So," the little guy says brightly, more...
A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down cause he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Amazingly, the waiter was very patient; he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn’t throw out the pest. “Oh, I really don’t care or mind, ” said the waiter with a smile. “We don’t even have an air conditioner. ”
Little Lucy went out into the garden and saw her cat Piddles lying on the ground with its eyes shut and its legs in the air. She fetched her Dad to look at Piddles, and on seeing the cat he said, as gently as he could,' I'm afraid Piddles is dead, Lucy.'
' So why are his legs sticking up in the air like that, Daddy?' asked Lucy as she fought back the tears.
At a loss for something to say the father replied,' Piddles' legs are pointing straight up in the air so that it will be easier for Jesus to float down from heaven above and grab a leg and lift Piddles up to heaven.'
Little Lucy seemed to take her Piddles' death quite well. However, two days later when her father came home from work, Lucy had tears in her eyes and said:' Mommy almost died this morning.'
Fearing something terrible had happened the father shook the girl and shouted,' How do you mean Lucy? Tell Daddy!'
' Well', mumbled Lucy,' soon after you left for work this more...
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and says, "You`re an engineer, you`re in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the Gates of Hell and is welcomed. Soon, the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell; he begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says with a sneer, "So, how are things in Hell?"
Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators. And, there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."
"What! You ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake - he should never have been sent to Hell... send him to me."
"Not a chance! I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him!"
God more...
Santa and his wife, Jeeto, were living in a farm up in the hills. One day, Santa found that the hole under the outhouse is full. He tells Jeeto that he doesn`t know what to do to empty the hole.
Jeeto says, "Why don`t you go ask Banta down the road?"
So, Santa goes down to Banta`s house and asks him, "My outhouse hole is full, and I don`t know what to do to empty it."
Banta tells him, "Get yourself two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long fuse. Put them both under the outhouse and light them both at the same time. The first one will go off and shoot the outhouse in the air. While it`s in the air the second one will then go off and spread the shit all across your farm, fertilizing your ground. The outhouse should then come back down to the same spot atop the now-empty hole."
Santa thanks him, then drives to the hardware store and picks up two sticks of dynamite, one with a short fuse and one with a long more...
A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. On one wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems".
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
So he started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes more...
2 blonds are out for their evening walk when 1 looks up and says I wonder whats closer, the moon or florida? The other blond says Duh we can see the moon