Air Jokes / Recent Jokes

Basic Flying Rules:
1. Try to stay in the middle of the air.
2. Do not go near the edges of it.
3. The edges of the air can be recognized by the appearance of ground, buildings, sea, trees and interstellar space. It is much more difficult to fly in the edges.

A guy who was in the Air Force had just spent a year tour unaccompanied to Shemya, Alaska. The first night he got home, he exclaimed to his wife, "Honey, I want you to know that I haven't wasted all this time alone. Instead, I've mastered the art of mind over matter. Just watch this!" And with that he dropped his trousers and shorts and stood before her in his altogether. "Now watch," he said. Next he said, "Dick, ten-HUT!" And with that, his dick sprang to full erection. Then he said, "Dick, at EASE!" And his dick deflated again. "Wow, that was amazing," said his wife. "Do you mind if I bring our next-door neighbor over to see this? It's really something else!" The guy responded that he didn't mind at all, since he was proud of what he had accomplished. So the wife goes next door and comes back with a delicious looking woman who got this guy's full attention! After a brief pause to take her in, he said, "Now watch more...

The kindergarten lady teacher questions all the children every morning at the start of the class to narate what they saw on their way to the school, some kids would say " Teacher today I saw monkey sitting on a tree" another child would say that he/she saw horse and another would say that he/she saw two bulls fighting ect.
The turn came to Simon whos father owns a bicycle repair shop, Simon said " Teacher, while coming to school I saw Two dogs, one was pumping air to the other dog and that dog was standing cooly", the teacher blushed but she enjoyed the joke.

Three generals, one from the Army, another from the Marines, and a third from the Air Force, were having a debate with a Navy Admiral about whose soldiers were the bravest.

To prove his point, the Air Force general calls over an airman: "Airman! Climb that flagpole, and once you are at the top, sing' Wild Blue Yonder', and then jump off!"

"YES SIR!" replies the airman. He takes off for the flagpole like a shot, scales up it, sings the anthem, salutes and jumps off, hitting the ground at attention.

The general dismisses him. "Now that's bravery!" exclaims the general.

"Ah, that's nothing," says the Admiral, "Seaman!" A seaman appears, "YES, SIR!!" "Take this weapon," as he offers him an M14, "Scale that flagpole, balance yourself on top, stand at attention, present arms, and sing' Anchors Aweigh.' Salute each of us, and jump off.

"YES SIR!!" more...

A customer was bothering the waiter in a restaurant. First, he asked that the air conditioning be turned up because he was too hot, then he asked it be turned down because he was too cold, and so on for about half an hour. Surprisingly, the waiter was very patient, he walked back and forth and never once got angry. So finally, a second customer asked him why he didn't throw out the pest. "Oh I don't care," said the waiter with a smile. "We don't even have an air conditioner."

Keep this in mind when you have something to return and the store gives you a hard way to go! Should be fun.
A woman went to a K-Mart service counter and tells the clerk she wants a refund for the toaster she bought because it won't work. The clerk tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Suddenly, the woman throws her arms up in the air and starts screaming,
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!!!"

The befuddled clerk ran away to get the store manager
in front a growing crowd of customers.
The manager goes to the woman and asks,
"Ma'am what's wrong?"
She explained the problem with the toaster, and he tells her that he can't give her a refund because she bought it on special.
Once again, the woman throws her arms up in the air
and starts screaming
"PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES,
PINCH MY NIPPLES!!!!"
And doing more...

Lazzy Airlines
-Passengers on a Lazzy flight heard this announcement from the captain:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry to inform you that we have lost power all of our engines and will shortly crash into the ocean"
The passengers were obviously very worried about this situation but were somewhat comforted by the captain's next announcement. "Ladies and Gentlemen, we at Lazzy Airlines have prepared for such an emergency and we would now like you to rearrange your seating so that all the non-swimmers are on the left side of the plane and all the swimmers are on the right side of the plane"
After this announcement all the pasengers rearranged their seating to comply with the captain's request. Two minutes later the captain made a belly landing in the ocean.
The captain once again made an annoucement: "Ladies and Gentlemen we have crashed into the ocean. All of the swimmers on the right side of the plane, open your emergency exits and more...