Airline Jokes / Recent Jokes
Airline Clerk: Destination, sir?
Passenger: Well, this bag's going to Albany, the duffle is bound for Akron, and the set of golf clubs is heading for Altoona.
Airline Clerk: Sir, we can't send your luggage to all those different places!
Passenger: Sure you can. You did it just last month when I flew to Atlanta.
Told by Don Criqui on NBC morning news:
After telling of Jose Canseco's recent run-in with an airline stewardess
over not wanting to wear a seatbelt...
"Once when Muhammed Ali was flying, the stewardess came over and asked
him to fasten his seatbelt. Ali told the stewardess, "Superman don't
need no seatbelt."
The stewardess replied, "Champ, Superman don't need no plane."
The airline business has always had a rich sense of humor, and one purportedly true story doing the rounds at the moment upholds the tradition. It concerns a stormy flight aboard a Boeing aircraft; an off-duty airline stewardess is sitting next to a man in the grip of serious white-knuckle fever as he watches, through his porthole, the aircraft's wing bending and bouncing in the tempest.The stewardess tries to reassure him; she works in the industry and flies all the time, she tells him. There is nothing to worry about; "the pilots have everything under control."
"Madam," he replies, "I am a Boeing engineer and we did not design this aircraft to do what it is doing."
Occasionally, airline attendants make an effort to make the "in-flight safety lecture" and their other announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported: 1. From a Southwest Airlines employee.... "There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane..."2. Pilot-"Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we land... it's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern." 3. After landing: "Thank you for flying Delta Business Express. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride. 4. As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Washington National, a lone voice comes over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA!"5. After a particularly rough landing during more...
Modern Travel: To promote airline safety, a proposed FAA rule would
require that every suitcase checked on a US flight be on the same
plane as its owner. "That means that even though you want to fly to
Orlando at 9am, you may end up on the 10pm plane to Boise." (Jerry
Perisho)
Major airlines oppose the plan. "They are even against a less stringent
rule that would require luggage and owners to be in the same country."
They now have an Italian airline that flies out of Genoa. Its called Genitalia.
Q: How do you tell if you're making love to a nurse, a schoolteacher, or an airline stewardess? A: A nurse says: "This won't hurt a bit." A schoolteacher says, "We're going to have to do this over and overagain until we get it right." An airline stewardess says, "Just hold this over your mouth and nose, and breathnormally."