Airline Jokes / Recent Jokes

Brussels Airlines is a Belgian airline based at Brussels Airport. It operates to over 50 destinations in 20 European countries, as well as long-haul flights to East, Central and West Africa. Brussels Airlines was created following the merger of SN Brussels Airlines (SNBA) and Virgin Express.
The logo the letter b in lower case, made up of a series of red elipses.
The "b" in a contemporary design style, symbolises both Brussels and Belgium.
In graphic terms, the "b" is made up of a series of ellipses that represent the extended network of the airline, as well as the ground lights on an airport runway.
The blue is a reminder of the values that are carried forward from SN Brussels Airlines while the red recalls the "low cost" colours of Virgin Express. In the airline sector, blue is generally reassuring and reliable while red is youthful and dynamic.
Most planes have an altered' b' logo after superstitious travellers complained about more...

An airline captain was helping a new blonde flight attendant prepare for her first overnight trip. Upon their arrival, the captain showed the flight attendant the best place for airline personnel to eat, shop and stay overnight.

The next morning as the pilot was preparing the crew for the day`s route, he noticed the new stewardess was missing. He knew which room she was in at the hotel and called her up to ask what happened to her.

She answered the phone, crying, and said, "I can`t get out of the room!"

"You can`t get out of your room?" the captain asked. "Why not?"

She replied, "There are only three doors in here," she sobbed, "one is the bathroom, one is the closet, and one has a sign on it that says `Do Not Disturb`!"

Things You Don't Want to Overhear Over an Airline P.A. System
1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock....one on our tail!!! Eject!!! Eject!!!
5. ummmmmm....Sorry... (silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff)....uhhhhh....we have to go back... we..we....uhhhhhh....forgot something...
7. I'm sure everyones noticed the loss of an engine, however the
reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more
efficiently more...

All too rarely, airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:
1. On a Southwest flight (SW has no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out
furniture here, find a seat and get in it!"
2. On a Continental Flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said, "Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to
enhance the appearance of your flight attendants."
3. On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have."
4. There may be 50 ways to leave more...

MAC Airlines
All captains, flight attendants, baggage handlers and ticket agents look and act the same. Each time you ask questions about details, you are gently but firmly told you don't need to know, don't want to know, and everything will be done for you without your ever having to know, so just shut up.
DOS Airlines
Everyone pushes the plane until it glides. They then jump on and let the plane coast until it hits the ground again. Then they push again, jump on again, and so on.
UNIX Airlines
Everyone brings one piece of the plane along when they come to the airport. They all go out on the runway and put the plane together piece by piece, arguing continually about what kind of plane they are supposed to be building.
Windows Airline
The terminal is very pretty and colorful, with friendly flight attendants, easy baggage check and boarding, and smooth take-off. Approximately ten minutes in the air, the plane explodes with no warning whatsoever.
Windows more...

It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the South.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked
the man seated in front of me.
"What are my choices?" he asked.
"Yes or no," she replied.

It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the South.
"Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked
the man seated in front of me."What are my choices?" he asked."Yes or no," she replied.