Airport Jokes / Recent Jokes

We're here on the airport, where a group of people
have just arrived after being stranded on an island
for more than a year.

Sighting #1:
I was busy writing some computer program for one of my classes and my roommate asked me if he could use my coffee maker. I said, "sure." The next thing I hear is, "Hey, where do you put the coffee?" I turn to see that he has filled the filter basket with water and is (unsuccessfully) trying to keep the water in the basket by plugging the hole at the bottom with his finger. He and the floor are both covered with water.
Sighting #2:
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate, when the airport employee asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?" I said, "If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?" He smiled and nodded knowingly, "That's why we ask."
Sighting #3:
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it is safe to cross the street. I was crossing with an intellectually challenged co-worker of mine, when he asked if I knew what the buzzer was for. I explained that it more...

Father O'Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, he decides to take a vacation. He's never been married and is curious about what Americans endure in everyday life, so he decides to go to the States before it's too late.
He hops on a Nevada bound plane and arrives at the airport in Las Vegas. While he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to hm and exclaims, "Elvis! Good Lord, it's Elvis! I always knew you weren't dead, Elvis! How have you been?"
Father O'Malley looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can you not see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a bit like him." He then moves on to his taxi waiting outside. He hops in the cab and is a little upset, so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and step on it."
The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing, sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I happen to be your number one fan! It's wonderful to see you!"
"Shut up, you more...

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of ameliorating. If anything, it`s getting worse.

Following last week`s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its branches.

Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500 back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.

Analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw deal.

Made in JapanThere was a Japanese man who went to America for sightseeing.

On the last day, he hailed a cab and told the driver to drive to the airport.

During the journey, a Honda drove past the taxi. Thereupon, the man leaned out of the window excitedly and yelled, "Honda, very fast! Made in Japan!"

After a while, a more...

Every time Jim smiled for a picture,
the airplane would sneak its fuselage in.

Father O'Malley has been preaching at his church in Ireland for so long, he decides to take a vacation. He's never been married and is curious about what Americans endure in everyday life, so he decides to go to the States before it's too late.
He hops on a Nevada bound plane and arrives at the airport in Las Vegas. While he is exiting the plane, someone in the airport runs up to hm and exclaims, "Elvis! Good Lord, it's Elvis! I always knew you weren't dead, Elvis! How have you been?"
Father O'Malley looks at her and says, "Get outta me face. Can you not see I'm not Elvis? I don't look a thing like him." He then moves on to his taxi waiting outside. He hops in the cab and is a little upset, so he tells the cabby, "Take me to my hotel and step on it."
The cabby turns and says, "Sure thing, sir - Oh my God! It's Elvis! I knew you weren't dead! I happen to be your number one fan! It's wonderful to see you!"
"Shut up, you more...

A blonde was taking a trip to see her parents. She was walking around trying to find the airport and she came to a sign that says, " airport, left". She turns around and goes home.