Alaska Jokes / Recent Jokes

Very unexpectedly this afternoon, Sarah Palin resigned as governor of Alaska.
And very predictably moments later, Keith Olbermann spontaneously ejaculated in his pants.

The man who takes care of the Sarah Palin family sled racing dogs is complaining about his job: "All of that inbreeding has resulted in lowered intelligence and a very bad temperament.....and the dogs aren't that smart either."

A greenhorn visiting Alaska was talking to two old sourdoughs. They informed him he was a cheechako. The greenhorn asked how he could become a sourdough.The two sourdoughs winked at each other, and told him he had to do three things. First, he had to pee in the Yukon River. Second, he had to wrestle with a grizzly bear. And last, he had to make love to an Athabascan Indian woman."No problem," said the cheechako, and off he went. He hired himself a guide, and soon had dispatched his first duty. Then they found the grizzly bear.The cheechako chased the bear into a cave. The most awful roaring and screaming emitted from that cave, along with blood and fur.Finally, the cheechako staggers out of the cave. "Okay," he said to the guide. "Where's that Indian woman I'm supposed to wrassle!"

Sarah Palin says she quit her office to answer a "higher calling"...sigh.
Y'ever feel like you could almost see how a chain of events will come to pass? I like to call it "Writer's Foresight," because sometimes people's lives will fit a certain narrative model almost perfectly. And I'll tell ya - considering this woman has never met an epiphany she couldn't MISS, I do NOT see her personal story ending well.
At the rate she's going, I'd bet anybody $100 she winds up drunk and insane like "Lola" from "Copacabana:" Her name was SArah...she was a MOron...she sported shoulderlengthbrownhair, and a foureyedvacantstare...

This week Sarah Palin made her seven year old daughter wear a Philadelphia Flyers jersey and accompany her while dropping the ceremonial first puck at a Flyers game to prevent the crowd from booing her.

John McCain is also catching on to this strategy and for the rest of the campaign will always appear with his granddaughter because he believes no one would boo an 85 year old lady.

There were three Eskimos in Alaska, and one time while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their igloos were. They could agree on everything but whose igloo was the coldest, so they decided to determine who, indeed, had the coldest igloo. They went to the first Eskimo's igloo, where he said "Watch this!" and poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid. "Not bad" said the other Eskimos, but each maintained their igloo was colder still. So they went to the second Eskimo's igloo, and he said "Watch this!" and took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor. "Wow, that's colder than mine!"said the first Eskimo. But the third Eskimo exclaimed his was colder still. So they ended up at the third Eskimo's igloo. He said "Watch this!" and went into the bedroom, looked under three hugh more...

Alaska
• A law in Fairbanks does not allow moose to have sex on city streets.
(O_o)
• Even though it is legal to hunt a bear, it is illegal to wake a bear for photo opportunities.
(is shooting waking?)
• Fairbanks: It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose.
(but why?)
• In Alaska it is illegal to whisper in someone's ear while they are moose hunting.
• It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
(How did the moose get in the flippin plane?)
• Kangaroos are not allowed in barber shops at any time.
• Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
• State policy states that emergencies are held to a minimum and rarely found to exist.
(*911* "we are sorry, this number has been disconnected")