Alice Jokes / Recent Jokes

It was Saturday morning as Steve, an avid hunter, woke up ready to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fully dressed in camouflage.
Steve asks her: "What are you up to?"
Alice smiles: "I'm going hunting with you!"
Steve, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along. Later they arrive at the hunting site. Steve sets his wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her: "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot"
Steve walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant-much less a deer. Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots.
Quickly, Steve starts running back. As he gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming: "Get away from my deer!"
Confused, Steve more...

Alice's PDP-10
With thanks (and apologies) to Chris Stacy, Alan Wechsler, Noel Chiappa, Larry Allen, and of course Arlo Guthrie, and particularly to Ann Marie Finn who is a kind soul and not at all like the person portrayed herein.-sra 3 May 85
This song is called "Alice's PDP-10". But Alice doesn't own a PDP-10, in fact Alice isn't even in the song. It's just the name of the song. That's why I called this song "Alice's PDP-10".
You see, it all started about two incompatible monitor versions ago, about two months ago on a Tuesday, when my friend and I SUPDUP'd over to MIT-OZ to pick up some hackers to go out for a Chinese dinner. But AI hackers don't live on MIT-OZ, they live on various assorted lispms and such, and seeing as and how they never log in except via the file server, they hadn't gotten around to doing filesystem garbage collection for a long time.
We got over there, saw 600 pages free, 10000 pages in use on a 5 pack PS:, and decided it more...

Three young men, filled with Christmas cheer decided to serenade a number of their female acquaintances with songs of the season.
At Betty's house they sang the mistress's anthem, "God Rest Ye Married, Gentlemen" - and Betty welcomed the gesture warmly with a round of egg nog.
Encouraged, the trio moved on to Alice's house, where they crooned the lament of the cherubs under stress, "Hark, The Harried Angels Sing!" Alice rewarded the smigers with glasses of steaming punch.
Buoyed by the spirits of the moment, the troubadours stopped next at Ina's house. Unfortunately, no one was home. Keen to have her hear them, yet feeling somewhat fatigued by their musical efforts, the leader suggested that they return the next day. "After all" he observed "we can always … carol Ina in the morning.

It was their fifth anniversary, and Al and Alice had just returned from the movies.
Alice was feeling romantic.' Will you love me when my hair has turned to silver?' she crooned.
'Why not?' Al grunted.' Didn't I love you through four other shades?'

Knock Knock
Who's there!
Alice!
Alice who?
Alice N. Tew if you'll listen to me! Knock Knock
Who's there!
Alice!
Alice who?
I'm Alice chasing rainbows....!

A group of young children were sitting in a circle with their teacher. She was going around in turn asking them all questions.

"Davey, what sound does a cow make?"
Davey replied, "It goes' 'moo''."

"Alice, what sound does a cat make?"
Alice said, "It goes' 'meow''."

"Jamie, what sound does a lamb make?"
Jamie said, "It goes' 'baaa''."

"Jennifer, what sound does a mouse make?"
Jennifer paused, and said, "Uhh... it goes...' 'click''!"

"Can you help me? asked Alice.
"No," said Negative.
"I'm looking for a white consultant." Alice pointed in the direction she had been walking. "Did he go this way?" she asked.
"No," said Negative.
She pointed the other way.
"Yes," said Positive.
Soon Alice came upon a large brown table. The Consultant was there, as was an apparently Mad Hacker, and several creatures that Alice did not recognize. In one corner sat a Dormouse fast asleep. Over the table was a large sign that read "UNIX Conference."
Everyone except the Dormouse was holding a paper cup, from which they were sampling what appeared to be custard. "Wrong flavor," they all declared as they passed the cup the cup to the creature on their right and graciously took the one being offered on their left. Alice watched them repeat this ritual three or four times before she approached and sat down.
Immediately, a large more...