Alimony Jokes / Recent Jokes
On Alimony
A contraction of the term "all-his-money".
A splitting headache.
It's the screwing you get, for the screwing you got.
Paying for something you don't get.
That's the same as buying corn for somebody else's cow.
The high cost of leaving.
The last laugh.
The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husband's checkbook.
Buying oats for a runaway horse.
A woman's cash surrender value.
The billing minus the cooing.
Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts.
Experience: What a man gets in exchange for alimony.
Marriage: Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy.
Q: What is the definition of a faithful husband?
A: One who's alimony checks arrive on time.
He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.
Standing before the judge during an alimony hearing, the man said, "As God is my judge, I do not owe that madwoman money!"
The judge calmly replied, "He isn`t. I am. You do."
Alimony:1) A contraction of the term "all-his-money".2) A splitting headache.3) It's the screwing you get, for the screwing you got.4) Paying for something you don't get.5) That's the same as buying corn for somebody else's cow.6) The high cost of leaving.7) The last laugh.8) The wife cries and the judge wipes her tears with the husband's checkbook.9) Buying oats for a runaway horse.10) A woman's cash surrender value.11) The billing minus the cooing.Divorce: When your wife stops screwing you, and her lawyer starts.Experience: What a man gets in exchange for alimony.Marriage: Why make one man so miserable, when you can make so many, so happy.What is the definition of a faithful husband? One who's alimony checks arrive on time.He is so rich, he is ahead in his alimony payments.
'Twas the night before Christmas, and all thru' the condo,
Not a creature was stirring whose car had known Bondo.
The Gucci's were hung by the chimney with care
In hopes that the neighbors would notice them there.
The dependents were nestled, all snug in their beds
While Porsches and charge accounts danced in their heads
And my dove and I, watching T. V. cable stations
Had just settled down to three weeks paid vacation.
When out in the drive there arose such a clamor
My wife lost her place in a story in Glamour.
To the window I had the man run, like a flash
To make sure it was garbagemen taking the trash.
But he said, "It's a lawyer, sir, parking his car.
I fear it's a Jetta, and in THIS front yard!
Shall I sound the alarm?" "Yes, don't let him inside!
My ex must want more alimony," I cried.
But though servants locked windows and barred more...