Allan Jokes / Recent Jokes
Knock Knock Who's there? Alva! Alva who? Alva heart! Knock Knock Who's there? Alvin! Alvin who! Alvin a great time, how about you? Knock Knock Who's there? Allan! Allan who! Allan-d of Manhattan! Knock Knock Who's there? Allegra! Allegra who? Allegra is broken! Knock Knock Who's there? Alma! Alma who? Alma-ny Knock Knock
This woman dies, and when she gets to heaven she asks Saint Peter, "Would it be possible for me to get together with my dear departed husband? He died many years ago."
Saint Peter asks, "What's his name?"
"Allan Smith," replies the woman.
"Gee," says Saint Peter, "we've got a lot of Allan Smiths up here. But sometimes we can identify people by their last words. Do you happen to remember what his last words were?"
The woman thinks for a moment, then says, "Oh yes! I remember them! He said that if I ever slept with another man after he was gone, he would roll over in his grave."
"Oh!" says Saint Peter. "You mean Spinning Allan Smith!"
Drinking oneself to death need not be a long lingering process. Allan, a 33-year-old computer technician, showed his competitive spirit by dying of competitive spirits.
A Sydney, Australia hotel bar held a drinking competition, known as Feral Friday, with a 100-minute time limit and a sliding point scale ranging from one point for beer to eight points for hard liquor.
Allan stood and cheered his winning total of 236 (winners never quit), which had also netted him the literally staggering blood alcohol level of 0. 353, seven times greater than Australia's legal driving limit of 0. 05%.
After several trips to the usual temple of overindulgence (the bathroom), Allan was helped back to his workplace to sleep it off, a condition that became permanent. A forensic pharmacologist estimated that after downing 34 beers, 4 bourbons, and 17 shots of tequila within an hour and 40 minutes, his blood alcohol level would have been 0. 41 to 0. 43, but Allan had vomited more...