Alligator Jokes / Recent Jokes
What is the best thing to do if you find an alligator in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else!
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana.She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!"The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!"Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator.Later in the day, the shopkeeper was driving home, when he spotted the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand.Just then, he saw a huge 9-foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She took aim, killed the creature, and with a great deal of effort hauled it on to the swamp bank.Lying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The more...
A guy walked into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He put the alligator up on the bar and turned to the astonished patrons.
"I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genital, unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer.
"I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try."
A hush fell more...
Little Johnny's grandmother handed him a bucket and told him to go down to the water hole to fetch some water for dinner. As he was dipping the bucket, he saw two large eyes looking back at him. He immediately dropped the bucket and scurried back to Grandma's.
"Johnny, where's my bucket, and where's the water?" Grandma asked.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny. "There's a nasty ol' alligator down there!"
"Oh, Johnny, don't you pay no mind to that ol' alligator," Grandma said. "He's been there for years now and he's never hurt no one. Goodness me, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him."
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then I can tell you one thing for sure... that water ain't fit for drinking."
The Florida State Department of Fish and Wildlife is advising hikers,
hunters, fishers, and golfers to take extra precautions and keep alert for
alligators while in Osceola, Polk, Manatee, Orange and Dade Counties.
They advise people to wear noise-producing devices such as little bells on
their clothing to alert but not startle the alligators unexpectedly.
They also advise the carrying of pepper spray in case of an encounter with
an alligator.
It is also a good idea to watch for fresh signs of alligator activity.
People should recognize the difference between small young alligator and
large adult alligator droppings.
Young alligator droppings are smaller and contain fish bones and possibly
bird feathers.
Adult alligators droppings have little bells in them and smell like pepper
spray.
An Army Ranger was on holiday in the depths of Louisiana, where he tried to buy some Alligator shoes. However, he was not prepared to pay the high prices. After failing to haggle the vendor down to a reasonable price level, he ended up shouting "I dont give two hoots for your shoes, man, Ill go and kill my own!"The shopkeeper replied, "By all means. Just watch out for the two Marines who are doing the same."So the Ranger went out into the Bayou, and after a while saw two men with spears, standing still in the water. "They must be the two Marines," he thought. Just at that point he noticed an alligator moving in the water towards one of them. The Marine stood completely passive, even as the gator came ever closer. Just as the beast was about to swallow him, the Marine struck home with his spear and wrestled the gator up onto the beach, where several already lay. Together the two Marines threw nthe gator onto its back, whereupon one exclaimed "Damn! more...
Never insult an alligator until after you have crossed the river.