Alligator Jokes / Recent Jokes
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar. He turns to the astonished patrons. "I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink."
The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped.
After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals - unscathed as promised.
The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try".
A hush fell over more...
This one was told to me by my penpal Mary Ellen Duff, to whom
it was told by some enigmatic fellow named Dave...
An ignorant but well-meaning tourist was visiting a small
Polynesian island when he came across a native man proudly
displaying twenty alligator teeth slung about his neck in
a decorative fashion.
"I guess you must prize alligator teeth the way we value
pearls," said the tourist.
"More so," said the native. "Anyone can open up an oyster."
Young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Florida. She wanted to > > take home a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way.... but was > > very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking for > > the highly prized shoes. > > > > After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle on prices" attitude of > > one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Well then, maybe I'll just > > go out and catch my own alligator, so I can get a pair of shoes at a > > decent price!" > > > > The shopkeeper said with a sly, knowing smile, "Little lady, ya'll just > go and give it a try, why don'cha!" > > The blonde turned on her heel and headed out toward the swamps, determined to catch herself an alligator. Later in the day, as the shop- keeper is driving home, he pulls over to the side of the levee where he spots that same young woman standing waist deep in the murky swamp water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he spots a huge 9-foot gator more...
A guy walks into a bar with a pet alligator by his side. He puts the alligator up on the bar and turns to the astonished patrons." I'll make you a deal. I'll open this alligator's mouth and place my genitals inside. Then the gator will close his mouth for one minute. He'll then open his mouth and I'll remove my unit unscathed. In return for witnessing this spectacle, each of you will buy me a drink." The crowd murmured their approval. The man stood up on the bar, dropped his trousers, and placed his privates in the alligator's open mouth. The gator closed his mouth as the crowd gasped. After a minute, the man grabbed a beer bottle and rapped the alligator hard on the top of its head. The gator opened his mouth and the man removed his genitals unscathed as promised. The crowd cheered and the first of his free drinks was delivered. The man stood up again and made another offer. "I'll pay anyone $100 who's willing to give it a try". A hush fell over the crowd. After a more...
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking. After becoming very frustrated with the "no haggle" attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, "Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!" The shopkeeper said, "By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!" Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep in the water, shotgun in hand. Just then, he sees a huge 9 foot alligator swimming quickly toward her. She takes aim, kills the creature and with a great deal of effort hauls it on to the swamp bank. Laying nearby were several more of the dead creatures. The more...
Knock KnockWhos there! Alligator! Alligator who? Alligator for her birthday was a card!
Little Johnny helps Grandma
One day, Grandma sent her grandson Johnny down to the water hole to get some water for cooking dinner. As he was dipping the bucket in, he saw two big eyes looking back at him. He dropped the bucket and hightailed it for Grandma's kitchen.
"Where's my bucket and where's my water?" Grandma asked him.
"I can't get any water from that water hole, Grandma," exclaimed Johnny. "There's a big ol' alligator down there!"
"Now don't you mind that ol' alligator, Johnny. He's been there for a few years now, and he's never hurt no one. Why, he's probably as scared of you as you are of him!"
"Well, Grandma," replied Johnny, "if he's as scared of me as I am of him, then that water ain't fit to drink!"