Allowed Jokes / Recent Jokes

In Baldwin Park, California nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.(Dumb Laws - California)

Two friends are walking their dogs together. One has a Doberman Pinscher and the other one has a chiuauah. They start to walk past this new restraunt that is having its grand opening. The guy with the Doberman asks his friend if he wants to go check it out with him, but the guy with the chiuauah points out that there are no dogs aloud. But the guy with the Doberman says do what I do, puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks in. The manager says, "Look pal there are no dogs allowed" but the guy with the Doberman explains that the Doberman is his seeing eye dog. in awe, the manager replies, "A doberman Pinscher?!" "Of course, they just started using them, and they protect me from muggers"
"Okay come on in" says the manager.
The guy with the chiuahuah sees this and puts on a pair of dark glasses and walks in. the manager agaian states that there are no dogs allowed. So the guy explains that this is his seeing eye dog. The manager questions more...

You may be arrested for vagrancy if you do not have at least one dollar bill on your person. You may be convicted of a Class 4 felony offense, punishable by up to three years in state prison, for the crime of "eavesdropping" on your own conversation. -720 ILCS 5/14-2. A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be called master, not mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.According to state law, it is illegal to speak English. The officially recognized language is "American".Chicago: Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire Chicago: It is illegal to give a dog whiskey; Chicago: Kites may not be flown within the city limits; Chicago: Spitting is forbidden In Chicago, it is illegal to fish in pajamas. In Chicago, people who are diseased, maimed, mutilated, or "otherwise an unsightly or disgusting object" are banned from going out in public.

In Chicago it is also illegal to take a French poodle to the opera, and for more...

Connorsvill, Wisconsin:
It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.
Willowdale, Oregon:
It is illegal for husbands to curse during sex.
Oblong, Illinois:
It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.
(Trust me if a man takes his wife fishing on their wedding day, he has an even bigger problem.)
Alexandria, Minnesota:
No man is allowed to make love with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath.
Ames, Iowa:
A man cannot have more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, girlfriend, or significant other- or holding her in his arms.
Bozeman, Montana:
Has a law banning all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they are nude.
Newcastle, Wyoming:
An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat more...

Connorsvill, Wisconsin:It is illegal for a man to shoot off a gun when his female partner has an orgasm.Willowdale, Oregon:It is illegal for husbands to curse during sex.Oblong, Illinois:It is punishable by law to make love while hunting or fishing on your wedding day.(Trust me if a man takes his wife fishing on their wedding day, he has an even bigger problem.)Alexandria, Minnesota:No man is allowed to make love with the smell of garlic, onions, or sardines on his breath.Ames, Iowa:A man cannot have more than three gulps of beer while lying in bed with his wife, girlfriend, or significant other- or holding her in his arms.Bozeman, Montana:Has a law banning all sexual activity between members of the opposite sex in the front yard of a home after sundown - if they are nude.Newcastle, Wyoming:An ordinance specifically bans couples from having sex while standing inside a store's walk-in-meat freezer.Illinois:A state law mandates that all bachelors should be called "master," not more...

There's a guy with a Doberman Pinscher and a guywith a Chihuahua. The guy with the Doberman Pinschersays to the guy with a Chihuahua,' Let's go over tothat restaurant and get something to eat.' The guy with the Chihuahua says,' We can't go in there. We've got dogs with us.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,' Just follow my lead.' They walk over to the restaurant, the guy with the DobermanPinscher puts on a pair of dark glasses, and he starts to walkin. A guy at the door says,' Sorry, mac, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Doberman Pinscher says,' You don't understand. This is my seeing-eye dog.' The guy at the door says,' A Doberman Pinscher?' He says,' Yes, they're using them now, they're very good.' The guy at the door says,' Come on in.' The guy with the Chihuahua figures,' What the hell,' so he putson a pair of dark glasses and starts to walk in. The guy at the door says,' Sorry, pal, no pets allowed.' The guy with the Chihuahua says,' You don't understand. This ismy more...

Stray cats will not be fed.
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with a little milk.
Stray cats will not be fed anything except dry cat food moistened with warm milk, yummy treats and leftover fish scraps.
Stray cats will not be petted, played with or picked up and cuddled unnecessarily.
Stray cats that are petted, played with, picked up and cuddled will absolutely not be given a name.
Stray cats with or without a name will not be allowed inside the house at any time.
Stray cats allowed inside will not be permitted to jump up on or sharpen their claws on the furniture.
Stray cats will be permitted on furniture but must sharpen claws on new $114. 99 sisal rope scratching post with three perches.
Stray cats will sleep outside.
Stray cats will sleep in the garage.
Stray cats will sleep in the house, but not in our bed.
Stray cats will sleep in our bed, but not under the covers.
Stray cats will not more...