Almighty Jokes

Little Johnny and Katie are sitting in school.
Katie is sleeping and the teacher asks her a question.
"Katie, who created Heaven and Earth?" Little Johnny sees Katie sleeping and quickly pokes her with a sharp pencil.
"Jesus Christ almighty!! " Exclaimed Katie.
"Correct." Says the teacher.
So the next day the same incident occurs and the same question comes up "Who created Heaven and Earth?" Katie (Again sleeping) is poked by Little Johnny's pencil "Jesus Christ almighty!" she exclaims.
"Correct again." Says the teacher.
So the next day, for a 3rd time, The teacher asks Katie "What did Eve say to Adam when she had so many children?"
Katie (again sleeping) is poked by Little Johnny's pencil again, and screams "If you stick that thing in me one more time I am going to crack it in half!"

A man went up to heaven to complain to the good Lord about the sorry state of affairs in the world.' Almighty God, you are said to be all-knowing. I don't think you know a thing about what is happenning on the earth that you created. No one cares a fig for the truth.'
Almighty Lord protested:' I know exactly how things are down below. Look at that board in front of you. Every time anyone tells a lie, a red light flashes and I know who is lying.'
The man watched the. flicker of red lights on the board and was duly impressed. Suddenly a whole lot of red lights began to flicker madly. The man asked,' Why are all those lights flickering at once?'
Replied the Almighty,' Oh, that! We are tuned into All India Radio and Doordarshan.'

CLERK: Please repeat after me; "I swear by Almighty God,"
WITNESS: "I swear by Almighty God."
CLERK: "That the evidence that I give,"
WITNESS: That's right.
CLERK: Repeat it.
WITNESS: "Repeat it."
CLERK: No! Repeat what I said.
WITNESS: What you said when?
CLERK: "That the evidence that I give,"
WITNESS: "That the evidence that I give,"
CLERK: "Shall be the truth, and,"
WITNESS: It will, and nothing but the truth!
CLERK: Please, just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: I'm not a scholar, you know.
CLERK: We can appreciate that. Just repeat after me: "Shall be the truth and..."
WITNESS: "Shall be the truth and."
CLERK: Say: "Nothing."
WITNESS: Okay.
(Witness remains silent.)
CLERK: No! Don't say nothing. Say: "Nothing but the truth."
WITNESS: Yes.
CLERK: Can't you more...

THE Almighty called a meeting of all the great scholars past and present to discuss how to bring order into the world. Since Ravana was a renowned scholar he was also invited. When they assembled, the Almighty noticed Ravana's seat was unoccupied. He went out personally to look for him and found him seated at the feet of L. K. Advani, the BJP maha-neta.' What are you doing here?' asked the Almighty.
Ravana replied,' Since despite all my efforts I failed to destroy the image of Rama, I have come to find out from Lal Krishnaji how he performed this mighty feat.'