Amish Jokes / Recent Jokes
You have just received the Amish Virus.
Since we do not have electricity or computers, you are on the honor system.
Please delete all of your files.
Thank thee.
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop." Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy." "Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady." That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop. Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop." Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob." He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady." I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob." I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the emergency brake"...
Q. What do you call an Amish guy with his hand up a horses ass?
A. A Mechanic.
A dating Amish couple Elizabeth and Eli, are riding down the road in their buggy. It's
mid January and very cold. Elizabeth says to Eli,
"My feet are frozen solid."
Eli says,
"Well, put them in my lap. I'll rub them and warm them up."
Elizabeth does so and after a while she asks,
"Eli, what's that hard thing in your pants?"
Eli answers,
"That's my penis, it's frozen solid.. Maybe you can rub it and warm it up."
The next morning Elizabeth comes down for breakfast and asks her mother,
"Ma, what do you know about penises?"
Her mother retorts,
"I don't know, what do YOU know about penises?"
Elizabeth replies,
"I know one thing, they sure are messy when they melt!"
An Amish lady is trotting down the road in her horse and buggy when she is pulled over by a cop.
"Ma'am," said the cop, "I'm not going to ticket you, but I do have to issue you a warning. You have a broken reflector on your buggy."
"Oh, I'll let my husband, Jacob, know as soon as I get home," responded the Amish lady.
"That's fine. Another thing, ma'am. I don't like the way that one rein loops across the horse's back and around one of his testicles. I consider that animal abuse. Have your husband take care of that right away!" instructed the cop.
Later that day, the lady is home telling her husband about her encounter with the cop.
"Well, dear, what exactly did he say?" asked Jacob.
"He said the reflector is broken," replied the lady.
"I can fix that in two minutes. What else?" wondered Jacob.
"I'm not sure, Jacob... something about the more...
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage. The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign:
Energy efficient vehicle.
Runs on oats and grass.
Caution... Do not step on exhaust.
While driving in Pennsylvania, a family caught up to an Amish carriage.
The owner of the carriage obviously had a sense of humor, because attached to the back of the carriage was a hand printed sign...
Energy efficient vehicle. Runs on oats and grass. Caution: Do not step on exhaust.