Angel Jokes / Recent Jokes

A conscientious minister decided to get acquainted with a new family in his congregation and called on them one spring evening. After his knock on the door, a lilting voice from within called out, "Is that you Angel?"

No, replied the minister, "but I'm from the same department."

And Joseph went up from Galilee to Bethlehem with Mary, his espoused
wife, who was great with child. And she brought forth a son and wrapped
him in swaddling clothes and laid him in a manger because there was no
room for them in the inn. And the angel of the Lord spoke to the shepherds
and said, "I bring you tidings of great joy. Unto you is born a Savior,
which is Christ the Lord."
"There's a problem with the angel," said a Pharisee who happened to be
strolling by. As he explained to Joseph, angels are widely regarded as
religious symbols, and the stable was on public property where such symbols
were not allowed to land or even hover.
"And I have to tell you, this whole thing looks to me very much like a
Nativity scene," he said sadly. "That's a no-no, too." Joseph had a bright
idea. "What if I put a couple of reindeer over there near the ox and ass?"
he said, eager to avoid more...

One Halloween this woman opens her door to find the most adorable little girl, with golden blond curly hair and the biggest blue eyes. She was dressed as an Angel, and was just delightful. The woman said, "what are you supposed to say sweetheart?" The little girl looks up at the woman and says "Twick or Tweat!" The woman thinks this is just adorable, and she calls her husband to come to the door. The woman say to the child, "Go ahead honey say it just one more time." Once again the little Angel looks up and says, "Twick or Tweat!" The husband agrees with his wife, this little Angel is just the cutest thing. The woman picks an apple from the Treat Bowl, shines it up with her apron, and drops it into the little girl's Treat Bag. The little Angel looks in her bag then looks up at the woman and says, "Thanks a lot lady, you just broke my f**king cookies!"

He was in His sixth day of overtime, when an angel appeared and said... "You're doing a lot of fiddling around on this one."

The Lord said,. .."Have you read the specs on this order?"

She has to be;
Completely washable,. .. but not plastic;
Have 180 movable parts,. .. all replaceable;
Run on black coffee and leftovers;
Have a lap that disappears when she stands up;
Have a kiss that can cure anything from a broken leg to a broken heart; and....
She must have six pairs of hands.

The angel shook her head slowly and said,. .. "Six pairs of hands?.... No way."

"It's not the hands that are causing me problems, said the Lord... It's the three pairs of eyes that mothers have to have."

"That's on the standard model?".... asked the angel.

The Lord nodded... "Yes. One that sees through closed doors when she asks, What are you kids doing in there?. more...

There was this preacher who was an avid golfer. Every chance he could get, he could be found on the golf course swinging away. It was an obsession. One Sunday was a picture perfect day for golfing. The sun was out, no clouds in the sky, and the temperature was just right.

The preacher was in a quandary as to what to do, and shortly, the urge to play golf overcame him. He called an assistant to tell him that he was sick and could not do church, packed the car up, and drove three hours to a golf course where no one would recognize him. Happily, he began to play the course.

An angel up above was watching the preacher and was quite perturbed. He went to God and said, "Look at the preacher. He should be punished for what he is doing."

God nodded in agreement. The preacher teed up on the first hole. He swung at the ball, and it sailed effortlessly through the air and landed right in the cup three hundred and fifty yards away. A picture perfect more...

And the angel of the Lord said unto the shepherds
"Shove off, this is cattle country!"

When Mother Teresa died she went straight to heaven. Upon her arival St. Peter informed her that they've been expecting her. She was the given her Angel wings for all the great work she did on earth and her angel Halo.Later on that day Mother Teresa was walking around heaven when she saw Princess Diana with an even bigger Halo! Teresa got pissed off, and went to see St. Peter, and asked "After all of my years sacrificing for the poor and the needy, I get a Halo this small. But Diana only took a couple of pictures with some landmine kids and got an even bigger Halo than me!"St. Peter replied, "That's not a Halo... That's the steering wheel..."