Announces Jokes / Recent Jokes

A cab driver reaches the Pearly Gates and announces his presence to St. Peter, who looks him up in his Big Book. Upon reading the entry for the cabby, St. Peter invites
him to grab a silk robe and a golden staff and to proceed into Heaven.A preacher is next in line behind the cabby and has been watching these proceedings with
interest. He announces himself to St. Peter. Upon scanning the preacher’s entry
in the Big Book, St. Peter furrows his brow and says, “Okay, we’ll let you in, but take
that cloth robe and wooden staff.”The preacher is astonished and replies, “But I am a man of the cloth. You gave that cab driver a gold staff and a silk robe. Surely, I rate higher than a cabby.”St. Peter responded matter-of-factly: “Here we are interested in results. When you
preached, people slept. When the cabby drove his taxi, people prayed.”

The line in front of the Butcher shop in Warsaw is long,
indeed, and the people grow weary, ever more weary, of the wait.
Eventually an official comes out and announces "We are very low
on meat; all Jews must leave the line." So the Jews in the line
quit the queue and head for home, empty-handed.
After some more of a wait the same official reappears
and announces, "We are even lower on meat that we thought. All
non-party members must leave the line." So all the non-card-carrying
members standing in line begin heading for home, equally empty-handed.
After some more time the official appears to declare "All
Serbs and Croats must leave the line; we haven't enough meat for
you." Disappointed, they leave the line and wander off.
Well, you guessed it: a bit later the same official appears
and informs the remaining people "Unfortunately we have run out of
meat entirely - you may as well all go more...

- You overhear him say on the intercom, "Hey, Pedro, What's this gizmo do?"
- For the past two hours, you've been going straight up.
- He says, "We're cruising at an altitude of 45 feet."
- Co-pilot is sitting on his lap.
- When you take off he yells, "Weeeeeeeeee!"
- At some point he announces, "Screw Chicago, let's go find that Mars observer!"
- He's wearing a Domino's Pizza uniform.
- Over P. A. you hear, "Heh, heh, heh, this plane sucks, heh, heh, heh."
- As you get on the plane you recognize the pilot as the same guy who drove your cab to the airport.
- Keeps referring to the control tower as "Mommy."
- He keeps pacing up and down the aisle muttering, "So many gauges, so little time."
- You're halfway to your destination and he's still taxiing.
- Announces on the intercom that "We're now passing over the Grand Canyon or the Panama more...