Anybody Jokes / Recent Jokes

Three women sailing in the Paciffic ran into a violent storm and the next morning woke up on a small island. After realizing what had happened to them the women go and whip up some fishing poles out of the materilals they had and went to catch them selves some food. One of the women realizing she caught a giant goldfish yelled to the other women to come over. When the 3 women quieted down they could hear the goldfish saying something to them. The goldfish had told them theat she would grant them each one wish if they agreed to release her. The first woman told the goldfish that she wanted to be returned home but to be returned 10 times smarter than anybody alive so the goldfish did as the women wished. The second women said the same thing except she said 15 times smarter than anybody alive and so the goldfish did. The third women said also the same thing but her number was 50 the goldfish realizing this was to much intelligence for a women turned her into a man and returned her home.

A man walks into a bar. He sees a beautiful, well-dressed woman sitting on a bar stool alone.
He walks up to her and says, "Hi there, how's it going tonight?"
She turns to him, looks him straight in the eyes and says, "I'll screw anybody at any time, any where. .. your place or my place, it doesn't matter to me."
The guy raises his eyebrows and says, "Really? What law firm do you work for?"

Once upon a time, there were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Nobody and Anybody.
Whenever there was an important job to be done, Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did.
When Nobody did it, Everybody got angry because it was Everybody's job.
Everybody was certain that Somebody would do it, but Nobody realized that Nobody would do it.
Consequently, Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have done in the first place.

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the students,
pointing out some of the rules.

"The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, and the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $25 the first time."

He continued, "Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $50. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $100. Are there any questions?"

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:

"How much for a season pass?"

Party Host: Hello? Phone Caller: Im trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her? Party Host: Id be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?

Don't worry. I've had a vasectomy/hysterectomy. "I won't come in your mouth, I promise." "I'm not really married." "It's only a cold sore." "Looks aren't important to me. I like you for your personality." "Size isn't important." "This won't hurt, I promise." "We don't have to go all the way, we'll just lie here and hold each other." "We'll always be together." A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. All the good ones are taken. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant Do it only with the best. Don't do it if you can't keep it up. Every more...

Don't worry. I've had a vasectomy/hysterectomy. "I won't come in your mouth, I promise." "I'm not really married." "It's only a cold sore." "Looks aren't important to me. I like you for your personality." "Size isn't important." "This won't hurt, I promise." "We don't have to go all the way, we'll just lie here and hold each other." "We'll always be together." A man can be happy with any woman as long as he doesn't love her. A man in the house is worth two in the street. A man is only a man, but a good bicycle is a ride. A woman never forgets the men she could have had; a man, the women he couldn't. Abstain from wine, women, and song; mostly song. All the good ones are taken. Beauty is skin deep; ugly goes right to the bone. Before you find your handsome prince, you've got to kiss a lot of frogs. Brains x Beauty x Availability = Constant Do it only with the best. Don't do it if you can't keep it up. Every more...