Anybody Jokes / Recent Jokes
(Hear are some real answers/comments given by kids about love)
1) HOW CAN YOU TELL IF TWO ADULTS EATING DINNER AT A RESTAURANT
ARE IN LOVE?
"Just see if the man picks up the check. That's how you can
tell if he's in love." - Bobby, age 9
"Lovers will just be staring at each other and their food
will get cold... Other people care more about the food."
- Bart, age 9
"Romantic adults usually are all dressed up, so if they are
just wearing jeans it might mean they used to go out or
they just broke up." - Sarah, age 9
"See if the man has lipstick on his face." - Sandra, age 7
"It's love if they order one of those desserts that are on
fire. They like to order those because it's just like how
their hearts are --- on fire." - Christine, age 9
2) TITLES OF THE LOVE BALLADS YOU CAN SING TO YOUR BELOVED
"'How Do I Love Thee When You're Always Picking Your more...
Thoughts and stories from on the jobMy boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for ?" I told him, "Nope! I do this for free." This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too". Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work ?" I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions ?" She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from ?" People always say that hard work never killed anybody. Oh yeah ??? When's more...
The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all male students, so too the male dormitory to the female students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be fined $20 the first time. Anybody caught breaking this rule the second time will be fined $60. Being caught a third time will incur a hefty fine of $180. Are there any questions?"
At this, a male student in the crowd inquires, "Er... How much for a season pass?"
I remember the 60s, so - at least according to one expert (Wavey Gravy, social commentator and DJ) on the subject - I wasn't THERE. When the 60s recalled these days, it's usually done to point out how angry, vulgar and hateful a time they were. The image is a bit overblown.
At least when it comes to Christmasy things, the 60s weren't all bad. Charlie Schulz gave us "A Charlie Brown Christmas" back then and that's when the Grinch first became famous.
I seem to recall a cycle of whimsically ironic humor from back in the 60s. Now, by "whimsically ironic" I mean Jokes that would come from the lips of a Jonathan Winters rather than pen of a P. J. O'Rourke. Anybody remember these? Anybody remember others? Look, I don't care what star you're following, get them blasted camels off my lawn!
"Ho, ho, ho" yerself, little fat guy, the hooves of those animals are chewing up my shingles something fierce!
Party Host: Hello? Phone Caller: I'm trying to reach a Ms. Nidiot. Her first name is Ima. Could you please ask if anybody at your party knows her? Party Host: I'd be glad to. Please hold on. (shouts) Excuse me, but does anybody know Ima Nidiot?
In the land of Copper Sand there were four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody
and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody
would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that,
because it was Everybody's job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized
that Everybody wouldn't do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody
did what Anybody could have.
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(c) Los Angeles Times Syndicate and Creators Syndicate 1/6
Thoughts and stories from on the job
My boss came in one morning and caught me hugging my secretary. He said in a rage, "Is this what you get paid for? " I told him, "Nope! I do this for free."
This same boss was into all this dumb inspirational and motivation stuff too. I remember once he posted a sign which read "Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday." I couldn't resist and added a note: "And now you know why too".
Once I came upon this pretty new temp standing in front of the paper shredder with a confused look on her face. I asked if she needed any help and she said, "Yeah, how does this thing work? " I took the papers from her hand and demonstrated how to work the shredder. She stood there a moment with yet another confused expression, so I said, "Any questions? " She said, "Yeah, exactly where do the copies come out from? "
People always say that hard work never killed anybody. more...