Anyone Jokes / Recent Jokes

1. Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.
2. Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
3. Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.
4. The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
5. If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.
6. Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
7. Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.
8. Chuck Norris' blood type is AK+. Ass-Kicking Positive. It is compatible only with heavy construction equipment, tanks, and fighter jets.
9. Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.
10. In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are more...

A man hears a knock at his door, opens it but doesn't see anyone.
He glances down, sees a snail there and being the conscientious gardener he is, tosses the snail across the road, into a field, away from his property.
Ten years go by, and one day the man hears a knock at the door, but once again, doesn't find anyone there when he answers.
He looks down, sees a snail there.
The snail looks up at him, and in a tiny voice demands, - "WHAT WAS THAT FOR?"

A guy was sitting in a bar when a strangerwalked up to him and asked, "If you woke upin the woods and scratched your buttand felt vasoline, would you tell anyone?""Hell no!" the guy said.The stranger then asked, "If you felt further into yourcrack and pulled out a used condom, would you tell anyone?"The man said, "Of course not.""Wanna go camping?"

One cannot achieve succeess with every film. Audiences can
be unpredictable. The failure could be due to a bad script
or characterisation. All this is a part of the learning process.

- Amitabh Bachchan (Actor, Producer)


I refuse to be a doormat to any man. I will never allow
anyone to push me around. I am my own mistress.
- Manisha Koirala (Actress)



Why should I try to imitate Kajol? I am not a
mimicry artist.
- Rani Mukherjee (Actress)


It's strange that Rakesh Roshan thinks I look older than Hrithik.
In fact, he's approached me for all his home productions.
- Aishwarya Rai (Actress)


Just because I'm an actress, why should anyone dare to
assume that I have no morals?
- Preity Zinta (Actress)


I still have a long way to go. People will realise the difference
between Shah Rukh Khan and a one-movie-wonder like me.
- Hrithik more...

Quasimodo, the bell-ringer for the Notre Dame cathedral in Paris, goes to the cardinal. "Cardinal, I'm getting pretty old and I'd like to retire, and live the rest of my life peacefully." The cardinal says, "That's fine Quasi, we'll just let the town crier know so he can put out the call to find a new bell-ringer." The cardinal does this, and both he and Quasimodo hear the town crier announcing the job opening.
After about three weeks, they are shocked because they haven't had anyone come for the job opening. The cardinal and Quasimodo are down on the steps talking, "Quasi," said the cardinal, "I'm sorry to say this but I can't let you go retire. We don't have anyone to ring the bells if you go. We'll keep the job offer open to anyone, but no one seems to want to do it." As he was speaking, an armless man runs up, and out of breath says, "I'm - here about - the bell - ringing job. Is it still - available?" The cardinal looks to more...