Anyone Jokes / Recent Jokes
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.
2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.
3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the darn thing to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, & repeat the process for a good half hour.
4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evilly.
5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to different screen than the one it's set up with.
6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.
7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.
8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret more...
Q: How do you crash a houseboat party?
A: You just barge in!
Q: What happened to the water polo team?
A: The horses drowned.
First Law of Bicycling: No matter which way you ride, its uphill and against the wind.
Anyone can win - unless there happens to be a second entry.
There are three ways to get something done: do it yourself, hire someone, or forbid your kids to do it.
One should be careful to keep his mouth shut - when swimming and when angry.
A swimming pool is a crowd of people with water in it.
Fishing: Just a jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.
Creative golf: Stuffing your shots with such precision theat your boss actually believes he beat you fair and square.
Good friend: Anyone who doesn't play as well as you do - and does it consistently.
Class: Demonstrated not by whether you win or lose, but how you tear up your scorecard.
If you have to ask, you're not entitled to know.
If you don't more...
1. Log on, wait a sec, then get a frightened look on your face and scream "Oh my God! They've found me!" and bolt.2. Laugh uncontrollably for about 3 minutes & then suddenly stop and look suspiciously at everyone who looks at you.3. When your computer is turned off, complain to the monitor on duty that you can't get the it to work. After he/she's turned it on, wait 5 minutes, turn it off again, and repeat the process for a good half hour.4. Type frantically, often stopping to look at the person next to you evily.5. Before anyone else is in the lab, connect each computer to a different screen than the one it's set up with.6. Write a program that plays the "Smurfs" theme song and play it at the highest volume possible over & over again.7. Work normally for a while. Suddenly look amazingly startled by something on the screen and crawl underneath the desk.8. Ask the person next to you if they know how to tap into top-secret Pentagon files.9. Use Interactive Send to more...
Diary EntriesAUG. 12 Moved to our new home in Ohio. It is so beautiful here. Thehills are so majestic. I can hardly wait to see them with snow coveringthem. I love it here. OCT. 14 Ohio is the most beautiful place on Earth. The leaves are turnedall the colors and shades of red and orange. Went for a ride through thebeautiful hills and saw some deer. They are so graceful, certainly theyare the most wonderful animal on Earth. This must be paradise. I love ithere. NOV. 11 Deer season will start soon. I can't imagine anyone wanting tokill such a gorgeous creature. Hope it will snow soon, I love it here. DEC. 2 It snowed last night. Woke up to find everything blanketed inwhite. It looks like a postcard. We went outside and cleaned the snow offthe steps and shoveled the driveway. We had a snowball fight (I won), andwhen the snowplow came by, we had to shovel the driveway again. What abeautiful place. I love Ohio. DEC. 12 More snow last night. I love it. The snowplow did his trickagain to more...
There was a rich man who was deliberately hard on his farmhand. He gave him a bottle and said, "Buy me a bottle of wine." The farmhand asked, "How can I buy you wine with no money at all?" The rich man said, "Anyone can buy wine with money. It takes real skill to buy wine without money." After a while the farmhand returned with the empty bottle. He handed the bottle to the rich man and said, "Enjoy the wine, please." Staring at the empty bottle, the rich man asked, "There is no wine, how can I enjoy this?" The farmhand said, "Anyone can enjoy wine if there is some. It takes real skill to enjoy wine When there is none." Choking, the rich man was unable to utter a word.
A teacher decides that she is going to teach her second grade class a new word today. She tells them that the word is "definitely" and its meaning is "absolute, positive, without a doubt."
She asks the class if anyone can think of a sentence with the word in it. She calls on little Susan who is in the back raising her hand, quite sure of herself.
Susan stands up and says, "The sky is definitely blue."
The teacher replies to her, "Well, that's a good sentence but sometimes the sky is gray, and sometimes its cloudy, and sometimes its red and pink so the sky is not definitely blue. Anyone else?"
Tom's hand flies up and she calls on him.
Tom answers, "The water is definitely clear."
"Well, Tom that's a good sentence but sometimes the water is muddy, and sometimes it's green, and sometimes it's full of seaweed so it's not definitely clear. Anyone else?"
Finally, in the far corner, little more...