Appeal Jokes / Recent Jokes
The new tax system is full of acronyms which makes it more difficult for the average taxpayer to grasp. The following is a simple succinct appreciation of the new system.
The new system is NUTS the New Universal Taxation System and although it may appear to be complicated, it is easy to understand.
Basically, it is STUFFT the Simplified Tax Unit For Financial Transactions.
Major elements of NUTS include a number for each business entity an Australian Business Utilisation Number (ABUN) which will be used during dealings with governments at all levels.
Every business in Australia will get ABUN with NUTS. The new system will simplify the way businesses report to the Australian Taxation Collection Head Office Organisation (ATCHOO) Businesses will be required to complete a Business Activity Statement Table And Report Directive (BASTARD) every month.
Businesses should set aside at least three days every working week to fill the BASTARD more...
A lawyer passed on and found himself in Heaven, but not at all happy with his accommodations. He complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The lawyer immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The lawyer protested that a three-year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the lawyer was willing to change venue to Hell. The lawyer asked: "Why can appeals be heard so much sooner in Hell?" The devil answered: "We have all of the judges."
The crumbling, old church building desperately needed remodeling, so the preacher made an impassioned appeal, all the while looking directly at the richest man in town.
At the end of the pastor's sermon, the rich man stood up and announced, "Pastor, I will contribute $1,000."
Suddenly, a piece of plaster fell from the ceiling and struck the rich man on the shoulder. He quickly stood up again and shouted, "Pastor, I will increase my donation to $5,000."
Before he could sit back down, another piece of plaster fell on him and this time he virtually screamed, "Pastor, I will double my last pledge."
He sat down and a larger chunk of plaster fell, hitting him on the head. He abruptly stood once more and hollered, "Pastor, I will give $20,000!"
This prompted the deacon to shout, "Hit him again, Lord! Hit him again!"
Finding himself in heaven after he passed away, the lawyer was very displeased with his accommodations. Complaining to St. Peter, he was advised that appealing his assignment was the only recourse he had. When he stated to St. Peter that he most definitely did plan to appeal, he was then told that there would be at least a two year wait before his appeal could be heard. As much as the lawyer protested against such a lengthy wait, it fell on deaf ears.
In a short time, the lawyer was approached by the devil. The devil advised him that if he was willing to change venue to hell, he could arrange to have an appeal heard in a matter of days. The lawyer then asked the devil how it was possible for appeals to be heard so much sooner in hell.
The devil explained, "We have all the judges."
My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good.
I did not kill my pretty wife
I did not slash her with a knife
I did not bonk her on the head
I did not know that she was dead.
I stayed at home that fateful night
I took a cab, then took a flight
The bag I had was just for me
My bag! My bag! Hey, leave it be!
When I came home I had a gash
My hand was cut from broken glass
I cut my hand on broken glass
A broken glass did cause that gash.
My friend, he took me for a ride
All through LA, from side to side
From north to south, we took a ride
But from the cops we could not hide.
My trial it lasted for a year
A year! A year! Just sitting here
The DNA, the HEM- the HAW!
The circus-hype the viewers saw!
If found guilty, I will appeal
Appeal! Appeal! I will appeal!
I'll wheedle and whine- I'll cut a deal!
To hear "not guilty" so glad I'll feel!
Did you do this awful crime?
Did you do this anytime?
I did not do this awful more...
An attorney passed on and found himself in heaven. But not at all happy with his accommodations, he complained to St. Peter, who told him that his only recourse was to appeal his assignment. The attorney immediately advised that he intended to appeal, but was then told that he would be waiting at least three years before his appeal could be heard. The attorney protested that a three year wait was unconscionable, but his words fell on deaf ears. The lawyer was then approached by the devil, who told him that he would be able to arrange an appeal to be heard in a few days, if the attorney was willing to change venue to Hell. When the attorney asked why appeals could be heard so much sooner in Hell, he was told, "We have all of the judges."