Appliance Jokes / Recent Jokes

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain."I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman."Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told thesalesman, "I would like to buy this TV.""Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied."Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time. A new haircut and newcolor, a new outfit, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman."Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?""Because that's a microwave," he replied. Sent by Ace

1) SIMPLE DUTIES-
You go out to buy her flowers: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0 You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5 You pummel it with a six iron: +10 It's her cat: -10

2) SOCIAL ENGAGEMENTS
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8

3) SATURDAY AFTERNOONS-
You visit her parents: +1
You visit her parents and actually make conversation: +3
You visit her parents and stare vacantly at the television: -3 And the television is off: -6 You spend the afternoon watching college football in your underwear:-6 And you didn't even go to college: -10 And it's not really your underwear: -15

4) HER BIRTHDAY-
You take her out to dinner: 0
You take her more...

This is for the guys...
Below are excerpts about how guys can score points (or lose
them) from their gals from "The Game of Romance: How to Keep
Score" from Men's Health Magazine, November, 1996, p 110-115,
along with some things that are just expected of guys,
therefore having a score of zero:
Simple Duties
You go out to buy her spring-fresh extra-light panty liners with wings: +5
But return with beer: -5
You check out a suspicious noise at night: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's nothing: 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it's something: +5
You pummel it with a six iron: +10
It's her father: -10
Social Engagements
You stay by her side the entire party: 0
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college
drinking buddy: -2
Named Tiffany: -4
Tiffany is a dancer: -6
Tiffany has implants: -8

Saturday Afternoons
You visit her more...

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain." I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman." Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home, dyed her hair, came back again and told thesalesman, "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied." Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time. A new haircut and newcolor, a new outfit, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she again approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman." Sorry we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied. Sent by Ace

A man walked into an appliance store and asked the price of a 25" remote controlled color television set. "One dollar," the clerk replied. "Youve got to be kidding." "Look, Mac," the clerk said, "do you want it or not?" Of course, the customer gave him a dollar. On the way out with his incredible bargain, the suctomer saw a big frost-free refrigerator with automatic ice maker. "How much for that?" he asked the clerk. "Fifty cents," came the reply. The customer forked over the half dollar, saying, "What the heck is going on here?" "Nothing is goining on here," the clerk snapped. "But my boss is at my house with my wife. And what hes doing to her, Im doing to his business."

If you introduce your wife as " This e-mail address is being protected from spam bots, you need JavaScript enabled to view it "
If your spouse sends you an e-mail instead of calling you to dinner
If you can quote scenes from any Monty Python movie
If you want an 8X CDROM for Christmas
If Dilbert is your hero
If you stare at an orange juice container because it says CONCENTRATE
If you can name 6 Star Trek episodes
If the only jokes you receive are through e-mail
If your wrist watch has more computing power than a Pentium Pro
If your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal point in the right place
If you look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
If you use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car
If you have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than hanging coats and taping ducts
If, at Christmas, it goes without saying that you will be more...

A blonde went to the appliance storesale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman. "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buythis TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. "Darn, he recognized me," she thought. She went for a complete disguise this time;haircut and new color, new outfit, big sunglasses, then waited a few days before sheagain approached the salesman. "I would like to buy this TV." "Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied. Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do youknow I'm a blonde?" "Because that's a microwave," he replied.