Arbor Jokes

Last year, in anticipation of abortions possibly becoming illegal in Michigan,
Ann Arbor voters passed an amendment to the city charter making the maximum
allowed penalty for getting an illegal abortion a $5 fine. (As a side note, the
same election increased the fine for possessing small quantities of marijuana
from $5 to $25 for a first offense and $100 for a second).
However, the really strange thing about this policy is that its enforcement
would be assigned to the Parking Department.
So I guess this is a way of penalizing excessive parking after 6 p.m..
But what I have to wonder is what they'll do to women who don't pay their
abortion tickets. Since 6 unpaid traffic tickets results in getting your
car booted, will 6 unpaid abortion tickets result in having a chastity belt
put on you?

Q: Did you hear the one about Arbor Day?
A: It'll leaf you laughing!
Q: Did you hear hte one about the oak tree?
A: It's acorny one!
Q: Did you hear the one about the redwood?
A: It's tere-mendous!
Q: Why was the pine tree sent to its room?
A: Because he heard it was a sycamore!
Q: What kind of tree is often found in the kitchen?
A: A pantry!
Q: Why was the tree drooling?
A: It was a dogwood.

There's a Buckeye fan from Ohio driving from Columbus to Ann Arbor, and a Wolverine fan driving from Ann Arbor driving to Columbus. In the middle of the night with no other cars on the road they hit each other head-on and both cars go flying off in different directions.
The Wolverine guy manages to climb out of his car and survey the damage. He looks at his twisted car and says, "Man, I am really lucky to be alive!"
Likewise the Buckeye guy scrambles out of his car and looks at his wreckage. He too says to himself, "I can't believe I survived this wreck!"
The Wolverine guy walks over to the Buckeye guy and says, "Hey, man, I think this is a sign from God that we should put away our petty differences and live as friends instead of arch rivals."
The Buckeye guy thinks for a moment and says, "You know, you're absolutely right! We should be friends. Now I'm going to see what else surrvived this wreck." So the Buckeye guy pops open more...

It was Arbor Day, and a blonde, a brunette and a redhead all planted something.
The redhead planted flowers in her front yard.
The brunette planted a tree in her back yard.
The blonde didn't know what to plant, so she asked the redhead.
"Plant something that looks good," she said.
The blonde still didn't know what to plant, so she asked the brunette.
"Plant something you want more of," she said.
The blonde finally knew what to plant. The next day, her husband was declared a missing person.

Tennessee: A man successfully broke into a bank after hours and stole the bank`s video camera, while the camera was remotely recording. (That is, the videotape recorder was located elsewhere in the bank, so he didn`t get the videotape of himself stealing the camera).

Louisiana: A man walked into a Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars. [If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, was a crime committed?]

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he`d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block more...