Arithmetic Jokes / Recent Jokes
A little boy is in school working on his arithmetic. The teacher says, "Imagine there are 5 black birds sitting on a fence. You pick up your BB gun and shoot one. How many blackbirds are left?"The little boy thinks for a moment and says, "NONE!" The teacher replies, "None, how do you figure that?" The little boy says, if I shoot one, all the other birds will fly away scared, leaving none on the fence." The teacher replies, "Hmm, not exactly, but I do like the way you think!"The little boy then says, "Teacher, let me ask you a question.There are 3 women sitting on a park bench eating ice cream cones. One is licking her cone, another is biting it and the third one is sucking it. How can you tell which one of the women is married?"The teacher ponders the question uncomfortably and then finally replies, "Well, I guess the one sucking her cone."To which the little boy replies, "Actually, its the one with the wedding more...
"First and above all he was a logician. At least thirty-five years of the half-century or so of his existence had been devoted exclusively to proving that two and two always equal four, except in unusual cases, where they equal three or five, as the case may be." -- Jacques Futrelle, "The Problem of Cell 13"Most mathematicians are familiar with -- or have at least seen references in the literature to -- the equation 2 + 2 = 4. However, the less well known equation 2 + 2 = 5 also has a rich, complex history behind it. Like any other complex quantitiy, this history has a real part and an imaginary part; we shall deal exclusively with the latter here. Many cultures, in their early mathematical development, discovered the equation 2 + 2 = 5. For example, consider the Bolb tribe, descended from the Incas of South America. The Bolbs counted by tying knots in ropes. They quickly realized that when a 2-knot rope is put together with another 2-knot rope, a 5-knot rope more...
My friend, Bill, grew up on a farm in Tennessee and attended a one room country school. He said that, like all the other boys, he wore bib overalls to school.
Now Bibs are a great invention says Bill.
When your hands are cold, you can put them between the bib and your shirt and warm them. And after you have been working hard, like hoeing, you can put your arms behind the bib and rest them for awhile.
But, he said, the greatest thing was he used them to cheat on arithmetic tests in school. He would look at the addition problems and put his hands behind the bib, appearing to be in deep concentration, while he counted on his fingers.
Doing that, Bill almost flunked out of second grade arithmetic until he discovered that he didn't have eleven fingers.
A hillbilly dragged his protesting son to a new school which had just opened in a nearby village. When they arrived, he took his son to see the teacher.' Howdy,' said the hillbilly.' This here's my son, Arthur. Now what kind of learnin' are you teachin'?
' Oh, all the usual subjects,' said the teacher, nodding at the boy.' Reading, writing, arithmetic.'
' What's this? ' interrupted the father.' Arith.... arith... what did you say?'' Arithmetic, Sir,' said the teacher,' instruction in geometry, algebra and trigonometry.'
' Trigonometry!' cried the delighted hillbilly.' That's what my boy needs. He's the worst darn shot in the family.'
My friend, Bill, grew up on a farm in Tennessee and attended a one room country school. He said that, like all the other boys, he wore bib overalls to school.
Now Bibs are a great invention says Bill.
When your hands are cold, you can put them between the bib and your shirt and warm them. And after you have been working hard, like hoeing, you can put your arms behind the bib and rest them for awhile.
But, he said, the greatest thing was he used them to cheat on arithmetic tests in school. He would look at the addition problems and put his hands behind the bib, appearing to be in deep concentration, while he counted on his fingers.
Doing that, Bill almost flunked out of second grade arithmetic until he discovered that he didn't have eleven fingers.
1960's arithmetic test:
A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost of production is four fifths of that amount. What is his profit?
1970's new-math test:
A logger exchanges a set (L) of lumber for a set (M) of money. The cardinality of set M is 100. The set C of production costs contains 20 fewer points. What is the cardinality of set P of profits?
1980's "dumbed down" version:
A logger cuts and sells a truckload of lumber for $100. His cost is $80, his profit is $20. Find and circle the number 20.
1990's version:
An unenlightened logger cuts down a beautiful stand of 100 trees in order to make a $20 profit. Write an essay explaining how you feel about this as a way to make money. Topic for discussion: How did the forest birds and squirrels feel?
How are you doing in arithmetic? Ive learned to add up the zeros, but the numbers are still giving me trouble.