Arkansas Jokes / Recent Jokes

After having their 10th child, an Arkansas couple decided that that was enough. So the husband went to his doctor and told him that he and his wife didn't want to have any more children.The doctor told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem. The doctor told the man that he was to go home, get a cherry bomb, put it in a can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.The Arky said to the doctor "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a can next to my ear is going to help me."So the couple drove to Missouri to get a second opinion. The doctor was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed they were from Arkansas. This doctor also told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, place it in a tin can, hold it next to his ear and count to 10.Figuring that both doctors couldn't be wrong, the man went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a can. He held the can up to his more...

Clinton returns from a vacation in Arkansas and walks down the steps of Air Force One with two pigs under his arms.

At the bottom of the steps, the honor guardsman steps forward and remarks, "Nice pigs, Mr. President"

Clinton replies, "I'll have to let you know that these are genuine Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got this one for Chelsea and this one for Hillary.. So, now what do you think?"

The honor guardsman answers: "Nice trade, Sir."

A special Arkansas edition of Windows XP has been developed. It is distinguished by the unique opening screen. It reads: WINDERS XP, and has a a Dukes of Hazzard screen saver. Other differentiating features: The Recycle Bin is labeled "Outhouse" My Computer is called "This Dern Contraption" Dial up Networking is called "Good Ol' Boys" Control Panel is known as the "The Dashboard" Hard Drive is referred to as "4- Wheel Drive" Floppies are "them little ol plastic disc thangs" Instead of an error message a "garbage bag and roll of duct tape" pops up CHANGES IN TERMINOLOGY IN ARKANSAS EDITION: OK. . . . . . . . . . ats aw-right Cancel. . . . . . . stopdat Reset. . . . . . . try er agin Yes. . . . . . . . . yep No. . . . . . . . . . noop Find. . . . . . . . . hunt fer it Go to.. . . . . . . over yonder Back. . . . . . . . back yonder Help. . . . . . . . hep me out here Stop. . . . . . . . kwitit Start. . . . . . . crank more...

After having their eleventh child, an Arkansas couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin did not want to have any more children.The vet told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive.A less costly alternative was to go home, get a cherry bomb (as fireworks are legal in Arkansas) light it, put it in a beer can and then hold it up to his ear and count to ten. The husband said, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me.""Trust me" said the vet. So the husband went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held it up to his ear and began to count: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could resume counting on his other hand.This procedure also more...

State of Arkansas Residency Application Name: ________________ (_) Billy-Bob (last) (_) Billy-Joe (_) Billy-Ray (_) Billy-Sue (_) Billy-Mae (_) Billy-Jack (Check appropriate box) Age: ____ Sex: ____ M _____ F _____ N/A Shoe Size: ____ Left ____ Right Occupation: (_) Farmer (_) Mechanic (_) Hair Dresser (_) Un-employed Spouse's Name: Relationship with spouse: (_) Sister (_) Brother (_) Aunt (_) Uncle (_) Cousin (_) Mother (_) Father (_) Son (_) Daughter (_) Pet Number of children living in household: ___ Number that are yours: ___ Mother's Name: Father's Name: (If not sure, leave blank) Education: 1 2 3 4 (Circle highest grade completed) Do you (_)own or (_)rent your mobile home? (Check appropriate box) ___ Total number of vehicles you own ___ Number of vehicles that still crank ___ Number of vehicles in front yard ___ Number of vehicles in back yard ___ Number of vehicles on cement blocks Firearms you own and where you keep them: ____ truck ____ bedroom ____ bathroom ____ kitchen ____ more...

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.
"Nice pigs, sir!"
"Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs -- they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."
"Nice trade, sir!"

An elderly couple was driving across the country.
While the woman was behind the wheel,
the couple was pulled over by the highway patrol.
"Ma`am, did you know you were speeding?"
the officer said.
The woman, hard of hearing, turned to her husband
and asked, "What did he say?"
"He said you were speeding!" the old man yelled.
The patrolman then asked, "May I see your license?"
The woman turned to her husband again,
"What did he say?"
The old man yelled back, "He wants to see your license!"
The woman then gave the officer her license.
"I see you are from Arkansas," the patrolman said.
"I spent some time there once and went on a blind date
with the ugliest woman I`ve ever seen."
The woman turned to her husband again and asked,
"What did he say?"
The old man replied, "He said he knows you!"