Arkansas Jokes / Recent Jokes

You might be a redneck if.. . You think harass is two words. You consider fast food hitting a deer at 65 MPH. Every day someone comes to your house mistakingly thinking your having a yard sale. Fifth grade was the best six years of your life. You have more dogs than the local shelter. You consistantly receive credit card offers with a limit of $1. 25. Your postman puts rubber gloves on when the red flag is up on your mailbox. How do you know when your staying in an Arkansas hotel? When you call the front desk and say, "I've gotta leak in my sink," and the person at the front desk says, "Go ahead!"Did you hear that they have raised the minimum drinking age in West Virginia to 32? It seems they want to keep alcohol out of the high schools! Why did God invent armadillos? So that rednecks can have' possum on the halfshell! Definition of an Arkansas Virgin: A girl who can run faster than her brothers.

It was the first day of 3rd grade, and a new school for Johnny. As a test, the teacher went around the room and asked each of the students to count to 50.
Some did very well, counting as high as 30 and 40 with just a few mistakes.
Others couldn't get past 20.
Johnny, however, did extremely well. He counted past 50, right up to 83. He was so excited that he ran home and told his Dad how well he had done. His Dad nodded and told him, "That's because you are from Arkansas, son."
The next day, in language class, the teacher asked the students to recite the alphabet. Most made it about half way through without much trouble. Some made it to M and N, but Johnny rattled off the alphabet right to W.
That evening, Johnny once again bragged to his Dad about his prowess in his new school. His Dad, knowingly, explained to him, "Son, that's because you are from Arkansas."
The next day, after Physical Education, the boys were taking showers. Johnny noted more...

Q: How do you tell if an Arkansas girl is old enough to marry? A: Make her stand in a barrel. If her chin is over the top, she's old enough. If it isn't, cut the barrel down a bit.

In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in themiddle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in thedelivery. To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lanternand said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world." Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put thelantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered a bonnie lass." No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, lad... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor. The Scot scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Doye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"

Dumb Arkansas laws and humor, relating to many aspects of the state, its weather, and its people.

Arkansas Crazy Law A man can legally beat his wife, but not more than once a month.

A guy walks into a bar down in Arkansas and orders a Grape Nehi. Surprised, the bartender looks around and says,' 'You ain't from around here... Where you from, boy?''.

The guy says,' 'I'm from Pennsylvania.''

The bartender asks,' 'What do you do up in Pennsylvania?''

The guy responds,' 'I'm a taxidermist.''

The bartender asks,' 'A taxidermist... what the hell is a taxidermist?''

The guy says,' 'I mount dead animals.''

The bartender smiles and shouts to the whole bar,' 'It's OK boys, he's one of us!''

A redneck was getting in his truck and a trooper pulled up and asked him, if he had a hunting license for this state. The redneck showed him the license, and the trooper was satisfied. But, the trooper saw another duck, and he sniffed its butt and said "This is a Kansas duck, do you have a Kansas hunting license?". The redneck pulled out his Kansas license, and the trooper was happy. Then he saw a third duck, and sniffed its butt, and said "This is an Arkansas duck. Do you have an Arkansas hunting license?" Sure enough the redneck pulled out his Arkansas licence, and the trooper, said ok. Then he saw a fourth duck, and sniffed its buttand said "This is a Kentucky duck. Do you have a Kentucky Hunting licence?" and the redneck pulled out his Kentucky Hunting Licence.
The trooper couldn't believe the redneck had shot this many ducks from all these different states and said, "Boy, where are you from, exactly?" The redneck pulled down his pants more...