Arkansas Jokes / Recent Jokes
A big city man was vacationing in a small Arkansas town and discovered he didn't have any writing paper for his personal correspondence.
Finding an old-fashioned country store, he approached the attractive young girl at the counter and asked, "Do you keep stationery?"
Giggling, the young girl replied, "I can... until I have an orgasm, then I go wild and crazy!"
A young ventriloquist is touring the Southwest and stops to entertain in an Arkansas bar. He's going through his usual stupid redneck jokes, when a big burly guy in the audience stands up and says threateningly, "I've heard just about enough of your smart mouth hillbilly jokes - we ain't all stupid here in Arkansas!" Flustered, the ventriloquist begins to apologize, when the big guy interrupts him and says, "You stay out of this mister- I'm talking to the smart mouth little fella on your knee!"
Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.
"Nice pigs, sir!"
"Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs - they're Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea."
"Nice trade, sir!"
Hopefully, all the humor-impaired and those who can't understand warnings have lost interest, so here we go with more Clinton jokes (offensive to Bill Clinton and his fans, Arkansas, etc.):
Did you hear they changed Highway 69 in Arkansas to the Bill Clinton Highway?
That's because it's real slick, real crooked, doesn't go anywhere, and it's got a yellow stripe down the middle.
Clinton went to Arkansas for a visit. When he returned, he was asked if he got any strange stuff while there.
"Sure did," he replied. Did you pay for it? he was asked.
"Why no," he answered,"Them hookers don't charge kin."
Clinton and Dan Quayle had a spelling contest.
Clinton lost because he thought "harass" was two words.
Q: Why is Hillary against sending U.S. troops to Bosnia or Haiti?
A: She's afraid Bill will run off to college again!
Q: Why did Clinton go to Russia?
A: He was homesick.
Arkansas Governor Application First name: ___________________Last name(if known): _______________________Address (where you live): Mother's name(list also relation, i. e., sister): __________________Birthdate(yours): ____________________Father's name (if known, if not, list two possible choices)______________Color of neck: Light Red( ) Medium Red( ) Dark Red( ) No Neck( )Year of pickup truck: ____________ Do you have the following in your truck: Fuzzy Dice( ) Gun Rack( ) Coon Tail( ) Filled ash tray( ) Used Condoms( ) Dead Road Kill( ) Dog of Unknown Breed( )Have you ever been to a large city? (Like Little Rock) Yes( ) No( )How far can you throw cow pies? __________ Do you eat cow pies? Yes( ) No( )Wife's name: __________________ Is she: Cousin( ) Neighbor( ) Sister( ) Mother( ) Neighbor's dog( ) Right hand( )Does your wife weigh: Less than 200 Pounds( ) Less than 300 Pounds( ) Less than a 747( ) More than a 747( )Do you know what a 747 is? Yes( ) No( )How much smarter than you is more...
In the back woods of Arkansas, Mr. Stewart's wife went into labor in the middle of the night, and the doctor was called out to assist in the delivery.To keep the nervous father-to-be busy, the doctor handed him a lantern and said, "Here, you hold this high so I can see what I'm doing." Soon, a wee baby boy was brought into the world."Whoa there Scotty!" said the doctor. "Don't be in a rush to put the lantern down... I think there's yet another wee one to come." Sure enough, within minutes he had delivered another little baby."No, no, don't be in a great hurry to be putting down that lantern, young man... It seems there's yet another one besides!" cried the doctor.The new father scratched his head in bewilderment, and asked the doctor. "Do ye think it's the light that's attractin' them?"